25 Years!

Tomorrow my husband and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage. We’ve spent the past week talking, reminiscing, and getting a little teary-eyed. We simply cannot believe how fast those years have flown by. It seems like only yesterday that we were mired knee-deep in diapers and Disney movies, and yet just today, my husband wrote a check for the deposit on our “baby’s” college dorm room for next year. Oh God, where did the time go?

It’s been quite the journey. From our first-born son’s very rough first year of life, much of it spent hospitalized or at home connected to IV machines, to finding out 17 years later that our second beloved son was gay. Life certainly proved one thing to us over and over again, it’s unpredictable. But our marriage survived the challenges, though I’d be lying if I said we didn’t have our rough patches along the way.

My husband asked me to marry him about 3 weeks after our first date, but I, being the more pragmatic one, insisted we wait and get to know each other a little better. We eloped 4 months later, marrying on a ski trip in Idaho.

Looking back on it now, my husband and I marvel at our courage (or maybe it was blinded-by-love stupidity). We both know so many people whose marriages didn’t survive the rigorous ups and downs that life can impose upon us. What were we thinking?

Why do some marriages make it while others don’t? I can’t answer that. But I can say this (and I know my husband would agree wholeheartedly), marriage is damn hard. It takes a whole lot more than just love to hold things together. So many factors come into play. And there are no easy, one-size-fits-all answers to solving this country’s high divorce rate. So when I hear people like James Dobson or Newt Gingrich or John McCain or George Bush or any other political opportunist telling us that they want to protect my marriage by preventing a certain segment of our society from getting married, I don’t know whether to laugh or come unglued. Do these people really think we are that stupid?

I’ve already admitted I don’t have the answers to what makes a long and healthy marriage. I know grit, luck, determination, love, hard work, and a lot of good fortune all played a role in my marriage’s longevity. But it would be sheer arrogance on my part to assert that those ingredients are the only things necessary to make a marriage a success. So I will not offer any words of wisdom on the subject.

I’ll just close by telling my husband thank you for 25 great years and 3 amazing children. I still can’t believe that we skied down that mountain all those years ago, jumped in the car, drove into Boise, got married, and never really realized that the adventure was still ahead of us. I can’t wait to see what the next 25 years will be like.