Wednesday, September 26, 2007

This momma was handed the perfect chance to confront a real live closet case hypocrite and what did she do?

Nada, zip, nothing!

And I am still sitting here thinking about all the woulda, coulda, and shouldas that are going to haunt me til the day I die ----- and kicking myself but good for letting the opportunity of a lifetime slip on by me.

Oh my, if I had a dollar for all the times I daydreamed about just this kind of chance to “let er rip” against a world-class hypocrite homophobe like this guy and I completely blew it!

Here is what happened:

My mother, my husband, and I went for an unusually early dinner to one of our favorite Mexican restaurants in Scottsdale. The host seated us in an area of the restaurant which at the time was completely empty but for one other table of patrons. At first I didn’t pay any attention to the other table of diners, but once we were seated and quietly studying our menus, I couldn’t help hearing parts of their animated conversation, which made me instinctively turn in their direction, and when I did, I almost dropped my cerveza in my lap.

We were sharing the room with none other than the “former homosexual” and very much disgraced “Reverend”, Ted Haggard. And there he sat – in all his sanctimonious, hypocritical glory --- looking no worse for the wear --- and in fact looking pretty darn untouched by all the harm and damage he has caused his family and the gay and lesbian community at large.

Damn him! Just damn him.

And damn me for not marching over there and saying something to him. But as much as I wanted to tell that man just what I thought of him, my sympathy for his wife, who was sitting right there next to him, stopped me from doing or saying anything.

I had the chance to confront one of the biggest hypocrites and enemies to the gay and lesbian community ever and I simply couldn’t do it. I just could not hurt his wife any more than she’d already been hurt. No matter how good it would have felt to have let that man have it, it would not have been worth the guilt I would have felt for possibly causing his wife more pain.

So Ted, if by some far out chance you are suffering from severe heartburn from that enchilada you had tonight and happen to be up surfing the web and by chance stumble upon this momma’s pad, please know that the stars were aligned just right for you today and you were spared. But also know that there is at least one momma out here in sunny Arizona who has already let you off the hook once, but will not let you off again.

The only good thing I can say is that at least my son will not grow up loathing himself and hurting everyone around him like you did. You, Ted Haggard, have confirmed for many mothers and fathers just why we must encourage our beloved children to come out of the closet before its toxic affects damage them the way they did you. And thanks to you and Larry Craig and the many many other hypocrites just like you, we actually might get to see a whole generation of gay and lesbian children grow up healthy, happy, and well-adjusted rather than twisted, shamed, and mocked. And I think even you could agree that is a good thing --- right? Share


Jarred said...

For what it's worth, I think you made the right choice by not confronting him. After all, there are even right and wrong places for confronting closet-case homophobes and I think this situation fell into the latter category on many levels.

Seething Mom said...

Thank you Jarred for confirming my decision to do or say nothing. I don't think I would have walked out of that restaurant feeling very good about what I did had I chosen to say something.

I am not one for making scenes, but I would have loved to put a face on one of the many millions of people he has hurt with his blatant hypocrisy and homophobia. He didn't just hurt gays and lesbians when he preached hatred and exclusion, he also profoundly wounded the many mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and friends who unconditionally love their gay and lesbian loved ones.

His sins are unforgivable. May the mean and spiteful god he so loves to tout forgive him, because this mother never will.

Anonymous said...

I agree. It MIGHT have felt good for about two seconds, but it would have felt REALLY awful after that, because he's there to enjoy a meal with his family. Whatever else he's done...wrong time and place. Furthermore: I truly believe it wouldn't help anything; save that energy for people who might actually listen to what you have to say.

tina said...

My first thought was, maybe his wife knew about his secret life.You never know.
The second thought was, you have a lot of compassion, most people might not have reacted the way you did.

Chimera said...

If you could overheard their conversation, chances are that they would have been able to overhear yours, as well. Next time a similar situation occurs, have a conversation with your table-mates that will alert them to your opposition to their hypocrisy (something along the lines of talking about your son or daughter and his new boyfriend/mate/partner, or her new wife/partner, etc.).

Your conversation doesn't have to be literally true. It just has to be loud enough to get a message across.

And as for being "fair" -- why are you concerned? They don't care if they're being fair to you. Do you want to win or not? If you spot the other side for too many points for fairness, you might as well just put your own head on the chopping block and save time.

Michael said...


I think you were right in the action you took - it was the compassionate thing to do - and I think it was the truly Christian thing to do - giving compassion to a man who did not deserve it - and sparing his wife who certainly did.