Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Maybe I can quit seething now

Waking up to this was so lovely:

The tides have finally turned. But most surprising to me is something so perfectly expressed yesterday by Andrew Sullivan:
Unless the composition of the court changes, it now seems close to certain that every American citizen will soon have a right to marry the person they love. An idea that once seemed preposterous now appears close to banal. 
Banal. Who would have thought? 11 years ago I was a seething, agonizing mess, but now, I am nodding my head in agreement to the above statement.

The road to this point has been so bumpy, so full of exhilarating highs and devastating lows. But I now believe it was all necessary to arriving at this point. Martin Luther King Jr. once said something that is just as pertinent today as it was the day he said it:
“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.” 
Does all of this mean I am done seething? No, there will always be something to be angry about. The people who have decided it is their mandate to inflict their morals on the rest of us will eventually move on and if history is any indicator, their goals will almost always be a mix of noxious and nasty.  But having watched this particular drama involving gay rights unfold since 2003, which is when I found out I had a gay son and it became very up-close and personal for me, has made me realize that changing hearts and minds is a worthy albeit timely goal.

We are now watching the last, very ugly dying gasps of a movement that dedicated its entire existence to denying dignity, rights, and protections to a minority that included my son. I won't kid myself, it can still get really ugly, but something has changed in the dynamic. People's opinions have slowly changed. They no longer believe their marriages will be affected by the married gay couple down the street or that the sky is going to fall because that couple decides to have children. And that is because they no longer see gay people as much different than themselves.

These anti-gay groups no longer have the upper hand.

It was a long and very painful wait (and I only had 11 years of personal investment), but now with the advantage of hindsight, I get why it was so important that it happen this way.

My posting will still be almost non-existent. Life still has ups and downs, but seething for what my son is being denied is not necessary anymore. The genie is out of the bottle and no one can stuff it back in.

This is not yet an official good-bye. But I need to smile again.

love you guys,
Kim, former seething mom



Mark said...

I've been reading along with you and seething along with you from the other side - I came out late in 2002. I was in Houston when Lawrence v. Texas was handed down and started the ball rolling that's now sweeping across the nation. I was married to my husband last November in the town where I grew up in Iowa. I still live in Houston ... in deep red Texas ... but even here, the handwriting is on the wall. It's been good to follow you these years and I'm so glad we all have something to smile about.

Seething Mom said...

Congratulations Mark!! I am so happy for you and your husband. I cannot wait until my son decides it is time for he and his partner to tie the knot. That is going to be one big GAY wedding! In every sense of the word. {take that NOM}

Thank you for taking the time to comment. You have made my day.

Love kim