Sunday, January 25, 2009

And we keep coming out - Part 2

I've added a picture to my profile. And the larger version of that picture is on this post. This is a big move for me (and my husband). And it is one more step at fully removing ourselves from the closet we stuffed ourselves into when our son had vacated it. Coming out is a lifelong process, something I didn't realize. And I didn't realize how much work it is either. But oooh boy, it feels so good.

When I first started this blog, I was skittish about giving out too much information about myself or my family. After all, we still had not told many people about our son. And sadly, there are still family members who to this day do not know. So my husband wasn't even sure I should be blogging about something so deeply personal and (at the time) painful on a medium that was so public and accessable. But in the end, he realized that we each come to terms with life-changing events in different ways. His was to quietly deal with his new reality and quietly get comfortable with it. And mine was anything but quiet, or comfortable, or even dignified. I needed to talk, and cry, and scream, and vent, and research, and then talk some more. And quite frankly, I think at the point in which I decided to start this blog, my poor husband was so damned relieved to give up his spot as sounding board that he welcomed my new outlet.

I didn't realize how awful the closet was until I stepped into it the day my son stepped out. And yes, many parents do indeed closet themselves shortly after learning they have a gay child. I wish with all my heart that I could say my husband and I were way more amazing about it than we were, but the fact is we weren't. We needed time and space and privacy to get to a point of peace. And I might just add here that it wasn't that we were devastated with the fact that our son was gay, it was that we were devastated with the fact that our son would face so many more obstacles and haters and challenges because he was gay. So for us it was more that we had to come to terms with a much uglier and hateful world than the one we knew before we learned our son was gay. But we were in this together and that meant we were facing this much scarier world together.

So it is with big fanfare that I post this picture. And yes, it is a big deal. Three years ago when I discussed posting a picture of my family, my husband and I debated it ad nauseam and decided against it. Today, I called him over to my computer and said, I am going to post this picture in my profile, what do you think? And you know what he said? "Don't you have something a little bigger and clearer? You can hardly see the faces of our children in that picture and I want the world to see what a beautiful family we have."

Yes indeed, this is a big deal. Share


Wormwood's Doxy said...

You have a beautiful family!

Congratulations for this big step. You may actually be surprised by how many other people you know are also in a closet of their own making.

Have you seen "Milk" yet? There is a scene where Harvey demands that people go call their families and come out. He knew that the only way people tend to change their minds about GLBTs is to find out that someone they love is gay.

I think the same may be true of families of GLBTs. When you step out of your own closet and tell the world that you love your child, no matter what, you show others what being a good parent really means.

Bravo, SM!


Seething Mom said...

Thank you for your kind words Doxy. I firmly believe that the biggest gift we can give our glbt children is the gift of openness. But the timing must be right. And for my husband and me, the time is now right.

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Timing is definitely everything! God bless you all on your journey.


Rick said...

I have been moved, inspired, and blessed by your blog since the beginning. I was very glad to see you posting again after the period of inactivity....thanks for continuing to share your journey with us. For all of us...glbtq, friends, family, or allies, it's one step at a time! Blessings to you and your family.

James said...

Hey mom! What an awesome photograph! Even now, some 18 years later, your children are still as beautiful and as full of joy in their hearts as they were when that picture was taken. You're an incredible mother. I cannot articulate how excited I am to see your son again next month!

And thank you for the plug for Prayers for Bobby. I caught it on the rebroadcast last night and was left in tears.

Seething Mom said...

James!! I am just going to have to get myself to your neck of the woods one day to meet you in person. Thanks so much for the beautiful comment.

Love ya,

Bruce said...

Thanks for all you do and have done Mom. It is indeed a beautiful family!!

Jan said...

What a beautiful picture. It's a treasure.

Congratulations on this big step. You are a brave woman and have a courageous family.

I'm so glad this is your icon picture.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on taking this step. It's a big one.

-- Jarred.