Saturday, February 28, 2009

Good bye James Dobson, may you fade away into the sunset never to be heard from again

Ok, disclaimer first: I dislike James Dobson with the intensity of a thousand suns rolled into one. There. I said it. So it should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time that this Seething Mom will lose no sleep, cry no tears, or feel anything but sheer unbridled joy about James Dobson stepping down from his throne at Focus on the Family.

I am a wife - happily married for 27 years. I am a mother of 3 children whom I love very much. I am an ardent advocate of anything that is good for my marriage and my family. So you would think that James Dobson would be my hero, but you would be sadly mistaken. James Dobson is no advocate for my marriage or my family. James Dobson is poison. In fact, I would go so far as to say that James Dobson is one of my family's worst enemies. So I can only hope with all my heart that James Dobson quickly disappears into oblivion never to be heard from again (but I certainly won't hold my breath on that one).

James Dobson spent years setting himself up as an expert on everything even remotely related to parenting and family issues. And when he finally worked himself up to a position of great power, he chose to use it in ways that deeply hurt families that didn't meet his narrow standards for normal. And my family fell into his cross-hairs. Why? Because my husband and I have a gay son. And we not only love him unconditionally, but we accept him just as he is.

Apparently (according to Dobson) our son was just "fine" when God delivered him to us, but because of our terrible parenting, we made him gay. Never mind that our terrible parenting skills had no effect on our other 2 children. But in Dobson's eyes, having a gay child is a huge disgrace and a horrible tragedy, not to mention, one of the greatest threats this country faces. And as Dobson tells it, both my husband and I are to blame. My husband was not around enough, he was not man enough, he didn't knock our son around enough, he didn't wrestle with him enough or play manly-enough games with him, he didn't shower with him or wave his private parts in our son's face enough, etc. etc. And I was around our son too much, I was too overbearing, and I had too close a relationship with him. So for those fatal missteps, we got what we deserved, an abomination.

James Dobson has spent his career spouting lofty and quite noble goals, but his actions have been anything but. Not only is he an enormous fraud when it comes to family advocacy, but he used the power he spent years building to single out, hurt, and stigmatize people. And his victims are many.

James Dobson used his family advocacy organization, Focus on the Family, as a smokescreen to hide his hatred for gays and lesbians and his agenda to advance hateful legislation that would guarantee second-class status for millions of Americans. He spent years pouring his money, power, and precious resources into making life as miserable as he could for the glbt community. And he did it all under the guise of Family and Christian Values.

No, I'm not going to miss James Dobson. When he could have made a positive impact on the sorry state of marriage and family in this country, he chose instead to single out and hurt those for whom he held contempt and hatred. He made no positive impact whatsoever on marriage and family and his actions may have even had quite negative repercussions (Ted Haggard's family may have an opinion on this). The institution of marriage is still in dire condition and families are still falling apart, but at a faster pace. James Dobson squandered a precious opportunity to make a positive difference, but that was never his intent. His legacy will not be pretty. The only thing he championed was mean-spirited homophobia and exclusion. He leaves as a sorry old man completely bereft of the very values he claimed to be defending.

Good bye James Dobson. My family will breathe a little easier knowing you are gone. Share

1 comment:

seithman said...

Unfortunately, I've no doubt that Dobson has hand-picked the successor to his little empire. So I'm sure little will change in terms of FOF's continued interference witht he livelihoods and civil protections of gay people.