London Gay Men's Chorus - It Gets Betta

I wish I could sit my right-wing evangelical "Christian" brother down and make him watch a marathon of these "It Gets Better" video clips. But alas, a funny thing happens on the road to "finding God", one seems to lose all empathy, all compassion, and all sense of humility along the way. How can anyone believe that going through the torment and agony these men describe in the clip below be a choice? I guess that's another thing so many of these right-wing evangelical Christians lose along the way as well, their brains.

Dan Savage: John McCain Is A Bigot

Yup - I couldn't agree more:

The Dream Act - one more way that Republicans will reveal themselves for who they really are

I just got done reading this beautiful and very moving passage over at Andrew Sullivan's blog. It is taken from an essay written by a young lady who is a senior at Harvard who also happens to be an illegal immigrant. The essay in its entirety is posted on The Daily Beast. But here is the passage lifted from Andrew:

Will these next seven months be the last I spend in the United States? It is November and I have already lost the ability to think in the future tense, as if my heart had anesthetized my mind in preparation for the possible disappointments of the next several months. I sleep without setting any alarm clocks. I speak faster in hopes that I might get more English words in. I kiss slower to feel more, here, longer. I’m at a road that bifurcates into continents and I am terrified because I know I might once again have to live with a decision that is not mine to make. It would hurt to be forced to leave, but it hurts to stay the way I’m staying now. I belong to this place but I also want it to belong to me.

This young lady, according to Andrew, has been in this country since kindergarten. She is obviously very bright, very educated, and very in love with this country. And this is who we will be throwing out of this country should the Dream Act fail to pass. And as it looks right now, Republicans are NOT interested in voting for anything that might give the opposition party a victory - even if it might also be good for the country. So if that means kicking out kids who have been brought here illegally through no fault of their own, educated here, and with so much promise of making great contributions to this county, then so be it.

My God, when did the Republican Party get so cruel, so hardened, so bigoted, and so short-sighted? How in the hell does anyone vote for a party that has made such a mockery of everything this country has ever stood for? And why did it take me learning I had a gay son to realize all of this? Good lord, I voted for the very people that would end up being my son's worst enemies. I should have run as fast as I could in the opposite direction when I heard these Republican frauds claiming to be the Party of Family and Chrisitan Values. I know damn good and well that anyone who feels they have to tell you what a good person he or she is, probably is doing so because their actions speak otherwise.

When I read things like the passage above and I realize that this beautiful young lady will be yet another victim of hateful, nasty politics, I feel nothing but shame and regret. How did I ever call myself a Republican and hold my head up high? How could I have been so stupid?

Dear Senator GrampyMcKnuckledragger (R-AZ)

Well it looks like your job as chief Republican homophobe and bigot is going to get much harder now that details of the Pentagon report on the impact of repealing DADT are leaking out. In fact, if we are to believe Greg Sargent of the Washington Post, he says:

Bottom line: The military has spoken. And the pretexts for opposing repeal are running out.

So what's next Senator? A big temper tantrum followed by a long diatribe about your experience and expertise on all things military?

Sadly sir, you have made it harder and harder to admire you anymore, in fact for most of us, you have become someone to be pitied and ignored.

Spare yourself more embarrassment. Stop standing in the way of repealing DADT and move on. You've lost the argument, you've lost the high ground, and worst of all, you've lost credibility.

Update:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Graeme Taylor - you are an amazing kid!

This 14 year old kid first became a YouTube sensation when he gave an impassioned speech at a school board meeting in defense of a teacher who had been suspended for kicking out a kid for anti-gay remarks (the video clip that captured this went viral but sadly is no longer available). Here is part of that brave speech:

"I've been in classrooms where children have said the worst things. The kinds of things that drove me to a suicide attempt when I was only 9 years old. These are the things that hurt a lot. There is a silent holocaust out there, in which an estimated 6 million gay people every year kill themselves. He did an amazing thing. He did something that inspired a lot of people."

Graeme is openly gay and so inspiring. So inspiring in fact, Ellen had him on her show:

I dream of the day when every kid, gay or straight, fat or skinny, glasses or no glasses, jock or bookworm, etc. can be as comfortable with who he is as Graeme Taylor.

Why? Why? Why Senator McCain? Why?

Why are you denying our gay and lesbian service members the same dignity, respect, and honor that you were afforded while in the military serving this country and in which you have been basking ever since getting out of the military? Why are you blocking repeal of DADT? Why?

Do you not see how this appears to the sane people watching this farce play out? You don't look honorable or dignified or respectable right now Senator. You look more like an angry, bitter, homophobic old man who hates everyone right now, but especially that guy in the White House who didn't wait his turn to be President like you did.

As an Arizona resident (born and raised), I am one of your constituents. But you have moved so far over to the right that I don't even recognize you anymore. So far rightward, you absolutely do NOT represent me or anything I believe in anymore. In fact I don't even think you represent most Arizonans anymore either. Your political stands have moved so radically rightward, I actually believe your positions on many things are the antithesis of everything I thought you fought for when you served this country with honor and dignity.

How could you deny any man or woman willing to risk their life to serve this country the same things you took for granted in the military. In your quiet moments when you are not steeping in your own self-pity and seething anger over what-could-have-been, do you not find what you are doing loathsome, hateful, and unAmerican? Do you like who you have become? Do you like telling people like Marine Staff Sgt. Eric Alva, the first American wounded in the Iraq war breaking an arm and losing his leg to a landmine, that his sacrifices weren't as good as yours or that he is not as worthy of honor and dignity as you because he is gay? Is his sacrifice somehow less than yours? Can you look his mother and father in the eyes and tell them why his service and sacrifices don't afford him the same dignity and respect yours have afforded you?

For the sane among us, and on this issue sir, that would include most Americans, you are so tragically wrong, so insanely wrong, that I find myself questioning why you are still my Senator. And for me, a mother with a gay son who was one of your sons' (Jack) classmates I am horrified by this ugly, mean, illogical stand that you are taking. You are not protecting troop cohesion sir, you are not protecting troop morale sir, you are not protecting troop readiness sir. No Senator, sadly the only thing you are protecting is the right of the homophobes and the bigots to continue to be homophobes and bigots. Is that what you want your legacy to be? Because that will be what you will be remembered for.

History will not be kind to you on this issue Senator. And that is a shame. I do not like you anymore, I do not respect you anymore, and I do not admire you anymore, but I will not forget the good man you used to be. Sadly though, even that memory is fading fast and being replaced with the image of a bully who is taking his ball and going home - simply because he can.

David Cameron MP Prime Minister - It gets better

Wow, this is huge! The leader of the Conservative party in Britain taking the time to make a video aimed at glbt youth in the UK. Can you even imagine a Conservative or a Republican in the United States doing this?

No - me neither. And that is tragic.

Nope, instead we have here in the good ole U.S.: Senator Grampy McCain doing his best to slap the faces of our gay and lesbian service members by blocking repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and the former President Bush and Republican House and Senate members taking marching orders from the likes of Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, and Tony Perkins on who can and cannot get married, Republican lawmakers blocking all laws that would protect glbts from hate crimes, or bullying, or being fired from their jobs, or kicked out of their homes, or denied access to their hospitalized loved one simply because of their sexual orientation, and even sitting Senators and House members running over to Uganda to help them craft anti-gay laws that would actually execute gays and imprison those who do not turn them in. And I could go on and on, but why bother. It is too depressing

My god what a ludicrous, backward, uncivilized place we look like right now. It's rather embarrassing isn't it? Well, thank you David Cameron for showing us here in the United States how it's done - not that we would ever take lessons from anyone else, being the exceptional country we are...

Maybe it is time for Maggie Gallagher to change her focus, unless...

Unless, it really isn't about protecting families and the institution of marriage...

I was reading the Arizona Republic yesterday and lo and behold -- there was a headline that jumped out at me and brought Maggie Gallagher to mind (ugh it was not a good way to start my morning).

The headline which caught my eye, Four in 10 say marriage is becoming obsolete, had some very bad news for Maggie and her fellow frauds. The face of marriage and family is changing and her strategy of going after gays and lesbians as the root of the problem is not working. In fact it is a complete failure. They can define their vision of what families should look like and who should get married all they want, but they can't change reality.

All in all, the article should be a wake up call for people like Maggie Gallagher and the other outfits that claim to be advocates for marriage and family. It should make them realize that they can set parameters for what makes up the perfect marriage and perfect family, but it isn't going to change or improve anything. It only makes them look like the complete out-of-touch-fools they are. It also exposes their real agenda. They are nothing but homophobic nutcases who don't have any interest in finding out the real reasons for the breakdown of marriage because they would have to admit that allowing gays and lesbians to marry the person they love has absolutely nothing to do with the problems that plague marriage and family. In fact some of the states that have had gay marriage in place have some of the lowest divorce rates in the country. But again, in Maggie's world, facts do not matter.

The article has some statistics that should trouble people like Maggie. In 1978, just 28 percent believed marriage was becoming obsolete, but according to a Pew Research Center study in association with Time magazine, now that number is about 39 percent of Americans who say marriage is becoming obsolete. And that number helps explain why the U.S. census data released in September showed marriages hitting an all-time low of 52 percent for adults 18 and over.

The article also sites other statistics that should trouble people who pretend to be concerned about the state of marriage today:

About 29 percent of children under 18 now live with a parent or parents who are unwed or no longer married, a fivefold increase from 1960, according to the Pew report being released Thursday. Broken down further, about 15 percent have parents who are divorced or separated and 14 percent who were never married. Within those two groups, a sizable chunk -- 6 percent -- have parents who are live-in couples who opted to raise kids together without getting married.

But I suspect that the only thing all this information will do is push homophobes like Maggie to double down. She and her faux family/marriage advocate frauds aren't going to change their strategy of blaming gays and lesbians for everything that ails society, they are just going to simply do what they always do, deny facts, deny reality, and stay the course. And that's because it really isn't about the family or the institution of marriage for these people and it never has been. It is about hate, homophobia, and ignorance.

This is how our churches, our schools, and our politicians push our gay children to suicide

From Andrew Sullivan: a post about a Gay Catholic Teen's explanation on why suicide seems perfectly rational from his perspective:

Try going through a day in the life of a gay teen. Every day you hear someone use your sexuality -- a part of you that, no matter how desperately you try, you cannot change -- as a negative adjective. That hurts.

You fear looking the wrong way in the locker room and offending someone. Politicians are allowed to debate your right to marry the person you love or your right to be protected from hate crimes under the law. Your faith preaches your exclusion -- or damnation. And no one does anything to stop it. Recently, the Archbishop used money donated by an anonymous source to denounce same-sex marriage.

That's right: a major religious leader used non-Church money from a questionable source to publicly condemn your right to express your love in a public and binding manner. A public school district nearby -- after a wake of suicides by kids much like yourself -- cannot bring itself to put your protection from bullying into its policies. Members of the district fear your kind and how you might brainwash their children into thinking that your behavior is appropriate or to join your kind.

A political party makes its position denying your right to marry one of its main voting points. And your nation voted this party in office.

What we are doing to our glbt children in the name of God, political party politics, and the ever-popular defense of marriage and family is so cruel, so hateful, and so despicable that if there really is a God, and he condones this sh*t, I'll take hell instead.

Rachel Maddow on John McCain vs John McCain

Taking a stand that suits him at that specific point in time, even if it makes him look like a slobbering homophobic fool to anyone who is paying attention:

Jon Stewart on flip-flop-topia in the McCain households.

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Cindy McCain's Flip Flop On DADT Lands Her on The Ridicu-List

I am saddened by this very weird turn of events with Cindy, but not quite ready to pile on. I have watched her husband, the "maverick" John McCain, go from a principled man who wasn't afraid to buck his party to an angry, nasty, bigot (with a very famous bad temper) who has flip flopped on every value he has ever held. I am willing to bet that life in the McCain household was pretty damn miserable after Cindy made that NOH8 PSA.

Well Senator McCain, even Joe Lieberman thinks you are dead wrong on DADT

Well who woulda thunk it? But I will take my allies wherever I can get them. So take that Senator GrumpyMcKnuckledragger (R-AZ):

Dear Senator McCain

If your goal is to look like an out-of-touch homophobic buffoon on the issue of DADT (and pretty much everything else now that you are a teaparty-approved "conservative"), then you have succeeded beyond your wildest imagination.

You are evolving in the wrong direction. Below is your ever-changing stance on the issue. No offense sir, but what on earth has happened to you? I cannot believe that there was once a day in which I respected you. Now, you just embarrass the holy hell out of me:

We can't repeal DADT until the Secretary of Defense says it's a good idea. Oh, he does?

Well then we can't repeal DADT until the Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff says it's a good idea. Oh, he's on board, too?

Well then we can't repeal DADT until we've surveyed servicemen and women, asking their opinion on the policy. They're fine with repeal, too?

Well then we can't repeal DADT until we've studied the survey results for months.

Holiday Angst-How religion-approved homophobia destroys good families

I attended a PFLAG meeting the other night and towards the end of the meeting, one of the facilitators asked a question that really got me thinking. He asked if there were people at the meeting for whom the upcoming holidays would be presenting them with a lot of extra stress and worry. He didn't quite word it that way, but that was the gist. He then went on to list a few scenarios that could present stress or even volatility within family gatherings over the holidays. A few hands slowly started going up, surprisingly all of them from parents with gay children they've accepted with open arms, but with angst-filled worries about the upcoming holidays anyway. And SURPRISE! Guess what the common thread in every one of the stories was? Religion-approved homophobia and intolerance. Each story had a parent wringing his/her hands over a "religious" family member (usually a sibling of their gay child) who had "found God" and was now very very intolerant of their gay brother or sister's "lifestyle".

As I drove home from the meeting I thought about the nightmare it must be for kids who don't have anyone in their family who accepts them (almost always for religious reasons). How lonely and isolated must they feel? God forbid they bring a new boyfriend or girlfriend to the gathering like their straight siblings can do without even thinking about it. God forbid they feel free to talk about their lives without guarding every word that comes out of their mouth lest they slip and say something they shouldn't in front of family or friends who still don't know they are gay. And God forbid they show disgust or not laugh when crazy Uncle Buddy or "good Catholic" Aunt Hazel tells an ugly anti-gay joke and everyone shares a good laugh over it, including family members who know there is a gay person in the room hurting so badly.

For these kids the holidays must feel more like a field full of land mines than a joyful family event. Step the wrong way and kabum. Add to that the fact that so many of these kids lack the coping skills that come with time and maturity. And many of them don't have anyone to tell them to hang in there because it gets better. Can you imagine how lonely and vulnerable they must feel at these family gatherings? And let's not forget how magnified stress and lonliness can get over the holidays for so many adults. How in the heck do these poor kids navigate through it all when we have grown adults with grown children worrying how to navigate through them? It just shouldn't be this way and religion and the bible shouldn't be at the epicenter of all the pain and angst either.

For me, holidays have always been stressful, but after that meeting I now realize how much harder it is for so many of our gay and lesbian kids. I come from a fairly good size family, I have four brothers and I am the only girl. In the past family get togethers were almost always held at my house since I was the first to get married, have kids, and have a place large enough to accommodate everyone. I did all the cooking, planning, and coordinating. And aside from the usual stress that comes from big affairs like this, the holidays would go off with little volatility or mishap. But that all changed drastically when one of my brothers traded the abuse of alcohol for the abuse of the bible. And it was at that point that I got a pretty good idea of how damaging, how hateful, and how ugly religion could become when used as a weapon against glbts or anyone else that doesn't fit into a narrow "christian" definition of normal.

But I am an adult. I have learned how to deal with adversity. I have learned that things get better. And most importantly, I don't need to this brother in my life. I don't depend on him for food, shelter, support, or nurturing. My world would go on just fine without him. I do not have to put up with his intolerance and ignorance. But what about glbt kids who are still dependent on the families that don't accept them? What do they do?

How can these so-called churches of God not be aware of the damage they are doing to families? They are turning out these bunker-busting "christian" soldiers that are blowing up families with nothing more than misinterpreted bible passages and religion-approved hatred and intolerance? You can't tell me these churches don't know that what they are preaching from their bully pulpits will be the ammunition used to rip apart good families and destroy the lives of our gay and lesbian children. You can't tell me that isn't their intention.

Just in my own little corner of this vast universe I can see the destruction. Each holiday presents a difficult choice - especially for my dear sweet mom. The divisions are set. They are permanent. And big happy family gatherings are no more. But still I have to ask, what about that poor child who doesn't have the option to cut those that don't accept him/her from his/her life? What do they do?

Cindy McCain adds her voice to an anti-bullying message from NOH8 Campaign

Thank you Cindy McCain for lending your powerful voice to this cause. I just wish your husband had an ounce of the wisdom and compassion that you and your daughter, Meghan, have.

With love,

a mom who has a gay child...

Update: I guess Cindy has completely reversed herself on DADT. I suppose her cranky old homophobic nasty husband went on one of his famous tirades over her involvement with anything pro-gay and made life so miserable for her that throwing her own values out was the only way to tolerate being in the same room with him. And as we all know homophobia and bigotry is a must in GOP politics - it is all hate, all homophobia, all bigotry, all the time if you want to be a good GOP soldier. I for one feel badly for Cindy. I'd be a schizophrenic mess too if I had to live with ole grampy McCreep. It's bad enough having him as my senator.

Gay voters, wake up and smell the GOP hate

Really. The idea that even one gay or lesbian voted in this past election -- or any past election for that matter -- for any Republican is just beyond belief to me. Really. I'm just in complete and utter shock that there are gays and lesbians who would vote to put the very party that hates their guts back into a position of power -- where said party of hate and bigotry will most assuredly work to make the lives of all gays and lesbians as miserable as they possibly can.

What in God's name does it take to make a person realize that this party has absolutely no intention of ever working to make the glbt community's life easier or more equitable in any way?

Controversial Anti-Gay Marriage DVD and the Minnesota Catholic Church

Not sure how people can remain within the Catholic Church even though they are hurt by what the Church teaches, but I do give them credit for hanging in there. I just could not do it. For me it was a choice between a church that hates my son, preaches against who he is, and inserts itself into politics to make sure my son will always be considered less than. That is not something I can ignore, nor is it something that will change if I stay and fight this from within. As far as I am concerned, the church abandoned me and my family, NOT the other way around.

Watch this video and seethe:

GLAD files another law suit against the discriminatory federal DOMA law

Well President Obama and fellow elected Democrats, as you sit there and lick your self-inflicted wounds from this past election, please remember that when you make promises to your constituents, you need to keep them. Promising, Mr. President, to be a "fierce advocate" for our glbt friends and families means just that. Promising to get rid of odious and discriminatory laws like DOMA and DADT means following up with action.

And if you don't, there are consequences --- as you are finding out from this past election.

We shouldn't have had to look to the courts for remedies to these unjust laws, but because of the inaction and actual betrayal of all those promises you made while campaigning in 2008, we must rely on organizations like GLAD to undo these nasty laws. Thank God they have the courage to do what you couldn't or wouldn't:

Dear Pope - Shut Up

So the Pope is in Spain right now defending the family and attacking the government of Spain. That's side-splittingly laughable - isn't it? Good gawd this guy is so flippin tone-deaf and blind. Where the HELL was he when his own precious Church was destroying families around the world by protecting the pedophile priests who were boinking five-year olds in the confessional? Where was he when his own precious church was moving those pedophile priests to other unsuspecting parishes when things got too hot at their current parishes? Does this man not understand why he is not one bit credible with his pleas for the family? He and his predecessors have been more damaging to the family than any gay or lesbian couple will ever be.

I know I have said this before, but this guy needs to understand that the world is laughing at him. He doesn't have the moral high ground to tell anyone or any government what is or isn't a threat to the family. He represents an institution that has been ripping apart families for decades. And they knew what was going on the whole time. They just chose to protect the bank accounts rather than the families they were destroying.

Go home Pope. Please, go home. And shut the hell up. You have zero moral high ground left under your little red Gucci shoes. You are nothing but a pitiful joke.

Oh, and one more thing... What do you think you do to families when you proclaim their gay or lesbian child "intrinsically evil"? And don't feed me any BS about recently backing off from that statement and calling them only "somewhat intrinsically evil", it doesn't lessen the cruelty or the horror of the statement, it just shreds the hearts of all the people who love their children just as they are and sends the message that our children are not worthy of God's love. And for those families who believe everything that comes out of your mouth, dear Pope, it rips those families apart since so many of them just end up throwing their children to the street like rotting garbage:

In an unexpected move today, Pope Benedict XVI announced that gays are no longer “intrinsically evil,” but only “somewhat intrinsically evil.” The Pope made what is being heralded in the religious world as a “groundbreaking concession” on April 1st, after a week-long international conference of LGBT Catholics was held in Rome. The Vatican had said that the conference would “tarnish the city’s exemplary history as a center for moral guidance to a decidedly heathen world.”

Wow, this story struck a nerve

34,595 comments last time I checked. The name of the article is "My son is gay" and it is well worth the read. Also worth noting: the behavior of the so-called "good Christians" in this story as they do not disappoint. Here is a little snippet:

And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him to go inside. He halts at the door. He’s visibly nervous. I chalk it up to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF A CHILD IN A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his classroom is.

And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay.

Update via BTB: This story just seems to grow and grow. I am sure the poor mother who wrote the initial blog post had no idea what she was about to open up when she hit the publish button, but obviously it was something that hit a nerve for a lot of people, including this seething momma. Anyway, CNN has now gotten into the act and interviewed both psychologist Jeff Gardere and the mother who wrote the original post. And me thinks the psychologist Jeff Gardere may have opened up his own can of worms, but how about going over to BTB and deciding for yourself?

Removal of Iowa judges because of a ruling that displeased the anti-gay crowd is beyond chilling

Gay marriage is legal in Iowa and three of the Iowa judges who helped reach that unanimous decision had the great misfortune to be up for reelection this month. And guess what happened? Yep, that's right, the anti-gay bully crowd organized, gathered tons of out-of-state money to pour into Iowa, and campaigned diligently to "oust" them for daring to protect the rights of a minority against the mob rule of a majority.

This story is chilling. By the time something goes to court, we are pretty much assured that there will be one side that is not happy with the outcome. One need only look to the founding fathers' intent to know that the courts are there to protect the rights of a minority against the majority, which in my mind weakens the argument that "the people have spoken" as is so commonly used by people when working to deny certain minorities rights everyone else enjoys. How many times in history have we seen situations where the people have spoken and the courts ruling against "the people's" supposed mandate? Blacks, women, and many other minorities have all benefited greatly from court decisions that were very unpopular at the time. This is not a situation where activist judges are ignoring the will of the people, this is an independent court system working to insure the rights of a minority, or in other words, doing the job the founding fathers intended them to do. The thought of a court system that is punished for doing their jobs if they should decide against a group of bullies is so frightening I cannot even think about it.

This is nothing more than a group of religious right bullies working diligently to make sure that judges in the future will be less likely to make rulings based on the constitution because of the fear they could lose their jobs. Do we really want a judiciary that is more likely to rule according to the whims of those with a bible and a bully pulpit? And for anyone who thinks this is strictly a gay issue and it could never affect them - think again. These religious nutcases want inside our bedrooms, our medicine cabinets, our family planning decisions, and in between our doctors and us when it comes to making any medical decisions. NO, they are definitely not done, they are only just beginning. Don't kid yourselves.

Jan Brewer rides Arizona's immigration law to victory

Well Arizona you did it. You voted to make this unelected ding-bat governor your elected ding-bat governor. You now own this and the fact that you just gave Senator Russell Pearce the strings to control her like the puppet she is.

I am starting the countdown clock, but I don't think it will take too long before a severe case of buyer's remorse sets in.

Hope you enjoy being the butt of every late night comedian's joke...

George Takei Calls Out Anti-Gay Arkansas School Board Member, Clint McCance

Remember Clint McCance, that Arkansas school board member who believes all queers and fags should kill themselves, unless of course they do us the favor of getting AIDS and dying first? You know, the one who would also disown his own kids if they were gay? Well George Takei takes this despicable excuse for a human being on and does a pretty good job of it:

I love him, I accept him, but don't tell anybody - it's nobody's business.

Though I am straight and it wasn't me hiding who I truly was, I found myself so identifying with Portia on this point. I cannot tell you how many times I got a response like this after telling family members and friends about my son. And it made me so angry and so sad that they were blatantly exposing their feelings of shame over my son's sexual orientation. But what I had to remind myself of was that I too, stayed quiet and "didn't tell anybody" for a long time when I first learned my beloved Michael was gay. And that I had given myself the luxury of time to get comfortable with my new reality and these people needed the same luxury. It was at once a shameful realization and an enlightening moment for me.

Now when I get that response I am not so harsh on the person, nor do I judge them, but I do gently remind them that the best way to battle homophobia is to come out and matter-of-factly tell people that you have a gay loved one - and it is no big deal. By keeping such a vital piece of information about someone to ourselves we are subconsciously conveying shame and embarrassment, something that is not only very hurtful to our gay loved one, but damaging to the fight against homophobia and bigotry. And let us not forget that it is much harder to hate a gay person if you actually know someone who is gay. So let's do start proudly putting the face of our gay loved ones out there and show everyone that it really isn't any big deal.