Ok, ok this straight momma is furious with the Catholic Church, but…

Well, I think I just realized why I keep going back to Andrew Sullivan in times of need (especially when it comes to the Catholic Church).

Jeeze, I had nooo idea how different the Church can look through the eyes of gay Catholics like Andrew Sullivan! What an education I am getting.

First an email from one of Andrew’s gay Catholic readers about the Prada Pope:

Thanks so much for the slide show of Benedict on the runway. My favorite is the velvet toque trimmed in white fur. When I was a young gay boy in the 50's I told myself I loved going to mass because I was good, but I was really just entranced by all the fabulous appurtenances: stained glass, a cornucopia of unheard-of saints, lace surplices, candles, incense, flower-banked altars, the gold ciborium, crosiers, colorful vestments. LOVED the little Infant of Prague doll which changed costume throughout the liturgical year. Great theater!!

Viva the Prada pope!

And then Andrew’s equally wonderful response:

I've often wondered how many straight Catholics fully appreciate how gay their church has always been. Especially in the old days. High Mass was, in its heyday, more elaborate and choreographed than a very melodramatic Broadway musical. Do people really believe that gay priests and religious had nothing to do with it? They had everything to do with it.

The first time I walked into a gay disco, with all those lights, music, ritual and smoke, my immediate thought was: church! Madonna gets this, whatever Jonah says. Because she's a born-and-bred Catholic, which Jonah isn't. It's theater, sweetie, theater. And the Church once understood that - which was part of its beautiful Catholicity. Gone, now, alas. But Benedict is helping nudge it back. And although I tease him about it, it's a wonderful thing. More incense, please. And lace.

Good grief, what have I been missing all these years? If only I could have viewed Catholic school and weekly Mass through the same “Gay-colored” glasses as Andrew, maybe then I too would be seeing the upside of a Pope who dresses in Prada and Gucci while at the same time demonizing all gays and lesbians.

Blue Gal is my kinda gal

It seems Blue Gal is not a big fan of James Dobson either:

Dear Reverend Dobson:

I'm just one self-professed Christian here. We both know that you don't speak for me, and I don't speak for you.

I'm disappointed that you are too busy to help Pastor Haggard with his little gay problem, though I suspect he's far better off without your "help." The drug problem has to be addressed first, since it's a symptom, in my opinion, of the self-hatred he's inflicted since who knows when. Watching you throw him under the bus told us much more about you than about him, anyway.

I think we Christians have a huge boulder in front of us called sex. We can't seem to get over the embarrassment and guilt that comes from feeling intense human pleasure. Nevermind that all of us are here, in part, because two people decided to experience that pleasure together. (I certainly hope it was good for both of them in every instance, and that not too much alcohol or Eagles music was involved.)

We can't discuss orgasms in church, and we seem unable to get beyond the whole outside of marriage issue, even though a great many so-called Christians get marriage totally wrong. We can't discuss rape in church. We can't discuss sexual responsibility. What kind of difference could the church make if it made a serious effort to discuss alcohol abuse and sex with young people? If the church told its young men, "hey, getting her drunk is not an option." And told young women, "Look, getting drunk at a party is not "asking for it," but you are losing control of your body anyway. Don't do that. It's self-abuse and it's not, repeat, not attractive." What if we in the church told our young people that sex is terrific, especially when you love the one you're with? And that love is the most important element of a sexual relationship? Do you think we could go there, Mr. Dobson? Do you?

In His name,

Blue Gal

You tell him Blue!

I've let THIS GUY make my life miserable??

Direct link between mental illness and support for President Bush?

A study done by Christopher Lohse, a Southern Connecticut State University master’s student draws just such a link:

A collective “I told you so” will ripple through the world of Bush-bashers once news of Christopher Lohse’s study gets out.

Lohse, a social work master’s student at Southern Connecticut State University, says he has proven what many progressives have probably suspected for years: a direct link between mental illness and support for President Bush.

Lohse says his study is no joke. The thesis draws on a survey of 69 psychiatric outpatients in three Connecticut locations during the 2004 presidential election. Lohse’s study, backed by SCSU Psychology professor Jaak Rakfeldt and statistician Misty Ginacola, found a correlation between the severity of a person’s psychosis and their preferences for president: The more psychotic the voter, the more likely they were to vote for Bush.

And why might that be?

“Our study shows that psychotic patients prefer an authoritative leader,” Lohse says. “If your world is very mixed up, there’s something very comforting about someone telling you, ‘This is how it’s going to be.’”

And what’s worse:

“Bush supporters had significantly less knowledge about current issues, government and politics than those who supported Kerry,” the study says.

I can think of all kinds of smarmy responses, but I shall remain mum.

Hat tip Carpetbagger

Catholic Church agenda: respect life and hate gays

Oh for crying out loud! Look at this billboard which has sprung up (literally) all over Tulsa. I was so flabbergasted when I saw this, I just had to wander over to the respectlifetulsa.org website to see for myself what whacky numbnut organization was behind this bizarre billboard. Imagine my surprise (NOT) when I found out it was the CATHOLIC CHURCH.

Geeze! I guess the Church has nothing more important to do right now than spreading lies and misinformation about birth control, which by the way will disproportionately hurt the most poor, the most vulnerable, and the most disadvantaged in their flock.

God I’m embarrassed that I ever considered myself a Catholic. And I’m even more embarrassed, no, make that furious, that I actually spent several years of my life caring, no, make that agonizing over what this nutty Church thought about my son’s sexual orientation or his morality. GOD! How could I have been so damn stupid? And how much more irrelevant does this Church want to become? One has to wonder who the hell will be left in their pews when they get done morphing into a total joke.

Andrew was also commenting today on this Church’s fast track to irrelevancy:

Their [the Catholic Church] insularity and myopia are becoming impossible to miss. This National Catholic Reporter editorial says it all - and so much more brutally than you'd find even on this blog. In a world of real, pressing questions, in a church reeling from decline and continuing sexual abuse scandals, at a time when the government has authorized torture, where war rages and social and economic inequality grows, the American bishops are still focusing almost entirely on the evil of condoms and why gays are now to be seen as having an "inclination" rather than an "orientation."

Hat tip Yellow Snapdragons

Religion doesn't save everyone

Pam had a post up last night about Peter LaBarbera and his website, Americans for Truth. Apparently, “Porno Pete” has a webpage up which lists deviant “Pro-Homosexuality Resources”. Some of the categories listed as deviant are: Sin-Welcoming Churches & Movements, Pro-Homosexuality Blogs, and Pro-Homosexuality Websites TARGETING CHILDREN (getting a little shill with the CAPS Petey?).

Well naturally my interest was piqued and I ventured over to check out Porno Pete’s “in-depth research”. There I saw that Pam has distinguished herself with a coveted place on his deviant blogs list, as well as a few blogs I’ve never checked out before.

And what a good job ole Pete has done! He really has invested a lot of time in this area. It is so good in fact that I bookmarked his website for future reference. I certainly don’t want to miss out on any good reading and I’d hate to see his massive investment of time to this “deviant subject” go to waste…

Thanks to Pete, I did venture over to a blog called “

Faggoty-Ass Faggot”. I decided to bookmark that too (Thanks Petey). FAF has a story posted about a friend who committed suicide, called Religion doesn’t save everyone, and it is well worth the read, but here are a few excerpts:

William was kind, and quiet, and gentle. He loved his family and his two best friends, and they loved him in return.

And yet one day this June, William delivered CDs he had created to several of his close friends, e-mailed a final note to family, locked himself in his bathroom, pulled his stuffed animals close and killed himself. He was 33.

***

William had been raised Catholic, and the Catholic Church doesn't do very well with gays and lesbians, much less a gay man with HIV. As I read his words and heard friends speak at his funeral, I learned he had been a man searching for answers for much of his adult life.

***

I think William felt he would be alone no matter what choice he made -- either forsake human love or the love of his God. His ultimate choice, to kill himself, meant he no longer had to fight his internal war.

Religion can be a positive guiding hand when wielded lovingly. But too often it is used to control people -- to make them doubt they are good.

William was good. He was loving. He wanted his God, and his religion, to look on him favorably. But his religion taught him that he could never be loved the way he was born.

I grieve when I think, in the end, William didn't fail. But his religion failed him.

James Dobson is completely full of crap (Part 2)

As my husband and I were doing dinner dishes today, he looked up from the sink full of dirty pots and pans he was working on and remarked:

“I read your blog today.”

To which I responded:

“Oh?”

To which he said:

“You were pretty ticked off when you wrote that post last night on old Doc Dobson.”

To which I replied:

“You damn straight I was mad. And I’m still furious! God, I’d like a face to face with that old goat. Something tells me he wouldn’t have the courage to say to me what he said to Larry King the other night. How the hell dare him blame parents for their children being gay. How could he be so evil?”

Hubby:

“Well, he’s not worth the energy you’re expending on him. And you’re right, he wouldn’t dare say to you what he said to Larry King the other night. He’s not that stupid.”

Me:

“Something tells me that old goat is too big a coward to ever look any parent of a gay child in the face and say that sh*t, but then why would he when he’s got Larry King, a mic, and an hour of prime time on CNN? And then when he is done twisting the knife in parents' hearts he can run back to the safe confines of his walled compound and hide. What a despicable man he is!”

This little exchange with my husband got me to thinking and I realized that old Doc McQuack really is a coward. Even with Larry King he thought better of finishing up his “blame-the-parents-for-their-kid’s-gayness” theory with this little gem of his:

"The boy's father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger." (emphasis mine)

How do you think Larry King would have responded to that? My guess is he probably wouldn’t have.

Well here’s my response: James Dobson is completely full of crap!

James Dobson is completely full of crap!

James Dobson on Larry King the other night:

I don't blame homosexuals for being angry when people say they've made a choice to be gay because they don't.


It usually comes out of very, very early childhood, and this is very controversial, but this is what I believe and many other people believe, that is has to do with an identity crisis that occurs to early to remember it, where a boy is born with an attachment to his mother and she is everything to him for about 18 months, and between 18 months and five years, he needs to detach from her and to reattach to his father.


It's a very important developmental task and if his dad is gone or abusive or disinterested or maybe there's just not a good fit there. What's he going to do? He remains bonded to his mother and...

What a charlatan! What an evil, horrible man!

It is not bad enough that this pathetic excuse of a human being has made it his life’s work to cause excruciating misery for so many innocent gay and lesbian people (especially the gay children of brain-dead evangelical parents who trust this quack over their own God-given parental intuition), but the old doc is not going to rest until he smears sufficient blame on the parents too.

And Larry King, it’s time for you to retire. What kind of interview was that? This guy hurls all this crazy, whacked-out sh*t at you and you don’t even challenge him on any of it? C’mon Larry. This guy has a lot of influence and power, his words have had some terrible consequences, and you provided him the perfect platform to espouse his hideously crazy theories as fact. Shame on you! I am so angry with you I could spit. And hopefully every parent who has a gay child is as furious with you as I am.

As I have mentioned before, growing up, I was the oldest of 5 children and the only girl. Through absolutely no fault of her own, my mother ended up a single mom when my 4 brothers and I were very small. When my father wasn’t in a mental hospital, he was at home vacillating between violent, crazy spells and catatonic almost comatose states. If ever there was a “poster dad” for the kind of father old Snake oil Dobson describes as being the kind of dad who spawns gay sons, my “abusive”, “disinterested”, and 100% “incapable-of-forming-a-bond with his children” dad was it. But guess what Dobson? Not one of my 4 brothers is gay. In fact they are as heterosexual as they can be.

Now many years later, I am married to a wonderful, stable man. He and I have 3 children together. My husband is an amazing, loving, hands-on dad who was extremely involved and completely “attached” to his kids while they were growing up. And guess what Dobson? One of our sons is GAY, GAY, GAY.

James Dobson’s cruelty knows no bounds. If there is a hell, it most definitely has a special place just for him.

Here is a video clip of this worm with Larry King (if you have the stomach):

Hat tip to the Carpetbagger Report

Happy Thanksgiving

I probably won’t even be online tomorrow. My husband, daughter, and I will be volunteering our time a good part of the day tomorrow. There will be no Thanksgiving dinner at home this year. But we are really looking forward to this, although my daughter has a bit of a snit on over the early get up time. Ugh, teenagers!

Even though I have dedicated this blog pretty exclusively to “seething” about things I believe to be wrong, I try never to lose sight of the many blessings in my life, and I certainly try never to take them for granted. So I am officially taking tomorrow off from seething to focus solely on all those wonderful things that are right with my life and give thanks.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

A Thankful Mom (at least for the next 24 hours)

Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You (But Can't Because He Needs the Job)

Lifted directly from AlterNet:

Oliver "Buzz" Thomas is a Baptist minister who wonders "What if Christian leaders are wrong about homosexuality?" and suggests that a refusal to disregard the mounting scientific evidence that sexual orientation is not a choice will undermine religion's credibility.

Religion's only real commodity, after all, is its moral authority. Lose that, and we lose our credibility. Lose credibility, and we might as well close up shop.

It's happened to Christianity before, most famously when we dug in our heels over Galileo's challenge to the biblical view that the Earth, rather than the sun, was at the center of our solar system. You know the story. Galileo was persecuted for what turned out to be incontrovertibly true. For many, especially in the scientific community, Christianity never recovered.

This time, Christianity is in danger of squandering its moral authority by continuing its pattern of discrimination against gays and lesbians in the face of mounting scientific evidence that sexual orientation has little or nothing to do with choice. To the contrary, whether sexual orientation arises as a result of the mother's hormones or the child's brain structure or DNA, it is almost certainly an accident of birth. The point is this: Without choice, there can be no moral culpability.

Although there are certainly small pockets within Christianity (and Orthodox Judaism and Islam, which Thomas also rightfully charges with intolerance) who are ahead of the curve, and either simply don't discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation or do fully regard homosexuality as a legitimate and intractable part of the spectrum of human sexuality, it's difficult to imagine a time in which Christianity wholly submits to the prevailing view of science and ends its reign of persecution against the LGBT community. This time, they are not going after one man, but millions of people, and some of Christianity's most prominent leaders -- including the Pope -- regularly speak out against gay tolerance. In America, many Christian leaders actively pursue discriminatory legislation, seeking to limit the rights of the LGBT community throughout society. Should they eventually embrace the scientific view this time, they will have a lot more for which to answer -- which certainly means their reluctance to admit their error is much greater.

Medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, sociologists, anthropologists, people of science of every stripe, are telling them they're wrong. Tolerant religious people are telling them they're wrong. Parents of gay children and friends of gay people are telling them they're wrong. The LGBT community is telling them they're wrong. At what point will they listen? At what cost will they continue to insist they are right?

Thomas describes watching the "growing conflict between medical science and religion over homosexuality" as like watching a train wreck from afar: "You can see it coming for miles and sense the inevitable conclusion, but you're powerless to stop it. The more church leaders dig in their heels, the worse it's likely to be." Indeed -- if the church eventually become the singular voice of antagonism against the LGBT community, the blood of every Matthew Shepard will be on their hands. And they will have lost much more than their credibility.

Author of above article: Melissa McEwan, blogmistress of Shakespeare's Sister

Hey Michael Savage, this momma thinks thou protesteth too much

Seriously Michael, your obsession with everything gay is getting really really weird. It’s forcing a lot of us straights to wonder: Is he or isn’t he?

From Pam’s House Blend:

Days after telling his listeners that the "radical homosexual agenda ... threaten[s] your very survival," on the November 16 edition of his radio show, Michael Savage asserted that a "society that embraces homosexuality is a society that will not last much longer." Savage then predicted his remarks would "wind up tomorrow in several of the blogs run by gays -- and they think only of that 'cause they're like drug addicts." Later in the broadcast, Savage claimed, "There is not a mean bone in my body," and concluded: "With God's will and your listenership, we shall nuke Iran."

As Media Matters for America has noted (here, here, and here), Savage has often referred to "the homosexual mafia" and made other vitriolic attacks on gays.

And more of the transcript:

This cuts across all religious lines -- it doesn't matter whether you're Christian, Jewish, Muslim. It doesn't matter whether you're from America or abroad. We will tell you that 20,000 years of evolution, of societal evolution, has taught us the same thing: that a society that embraces homosexuality is a society that will not last much longer. Anybody who's studied history knows that.

So, why does that make me wrong for me to tell you this? Why do the people who are promoting this, this death-style, think that the people are that stupid?

... I didn't tell you to hate gay people, did I? I told you to be aware of the homosexual agenda; how powerful the homosexual movement is in this country as witness the fact that you never hear any criticism of them. You see? So, now let's move on. I don't even want to talk about it. I'm giving it to you as an example, and I know it's going to wind up tomorrow in several of the blogs run by gays -- and they think only of that 'cause they're like drug addicts.

Oh and Michael, you’re right, your ranting has ended up on a lot of blogs, including mine (even though I’m straight, married for 25 years with 3 children). It’s just too good to resist. But seriously though, take it from this momma: get some counseling, you seem to have some major issues you need to work through. And don’t worry, we’ll respect you in the morning if you come clean.

A trip to freeperville

In doing some research for earlier posts, I accidentally stepped into the swampland of freeperville and I stumbled upon a student who posted the following question:

I am a student. I personally do not support homosexuality, and I find the idea of gay marriage repulsive. However, I struggle during discussions to persuade my liberal peers and professors that it is harmful. Most liberal professors and students at my college do not view homosexuality as abnormal, and treat me like I am nuts when I suggest that marriage should not be altered to include gays and lesbians. Please help to supply me with some ammunition by posting below.

Here is a smattering of the responses:

Please help me understand the purpose of having to have the government recognize two guys who want to play husband and wife. Can they reproduce? Does one have to stay home and take care of the kids? If they want to pretend to be something they are not, that is their business, but don't drag everyone else into it.

Um – who’s dragging anyone anywhere?

It's not marriage. It's not natural. It's not according to God's word...and make no mistake about it, this nation was founded upon, has prospered according to, and has its roots and foundation built upon traditional Christian values.

In reality, that is why we are so tolerant...but should not (and indeed, cannnot) be so tolerant to the point of calling right wrong and wrong right. Otherwise our Republic, our prosperity, our very freedoms and lives will be at risk.

Oooh tolerance – bad, very bad.

Marriage is a union of a man and a woman in order to create a family. when a man can have sex with a man, or a woman have sex with a woman, and create a child, then they can get married.

Note to self, call to mom right away.

I agree with you completely, however secular liberals do not respond in a very friendly manner when any mention of God or God's will is used in defining political ideas.

Well uh … I’m not a “secular liberal”, but I do resent you substituting your first grade interpretation of the bible for the brilliance of our constitution. Try again.

It's the slippery slope... Today it's homosexual marriage. Once you redefine marriage, though, why limit it there. Why not any union? When marriage is no longer a special and sacred institution, it will no longer be an institution at all. In the end, this is their agenda: the destruction of marriage.

Uh boy, stench of desperation?

It's aberrant behavior. The Bible says so. One more thing: You can't argue with drunks and idiots. That's a lesson you can't learn early enough in life. Odds are, your prof is a creep who's never really worked for a living, and most of your fellow students are too dumb and innocent to know any better 'cause they never went to church or temple while growing up. That's the fault of their folks.

Ok, I can’t think of a good argument, so just call them names and question their intelligence, that oughta do it.

It's about the kids, kids do best in a traditional family(man and woman).A child who doesn't learn about the Yin and Yang will grow up deformed.

No comment…

Unless we obey God's word we will suffer consequences.

Ok, let’s recap:

**It seems the ability to reproduce is a prerequisite, so homos need not apply. (Note to self: call mom and let her know her 3 year old marriage is no good unless she can figure out a way for 70ish year old women to have babies.)

**Tolerance is bad and will destroy our prosperity and freedom and put our lives at risk. And besides God says it’s not ok (and they should know since they have a bat phone to heaven).

**And when all else fails throw in the kitchen sink: slippery slope, marriage with animals next, homo agenda = complete destruction of marriage.

**God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God, God, and did I forget to mention God?

**Anyone who disagrees with our view on marriage is just plain stupid.

**It makes me uncomfortable therefore you can’t do it.

**Oh the kids! What about the kids? We must protect the kids! Oh the kids! Oh the kids! And did I mention that it’s all about the kids?

There, did I cover all of the arguments?

Arizonans just too darn dumb to understand the Protect Marriage Arizona ballot measure

The people behind the Protect Marriage Arizona campaign just cannot come to terms with the fact that Arizonans voted down their hateful anti-gay marriage amendment. Now the spokesman behind the amendment is further insulting us by telling us that we were too stupid and confused to know how we were voting:

Cathi Herrod, spokeswoman for the Protect Marriage Arizona campaign, says voters were misled by opponents, who outspent supporters and focused their message on how the measure would eliminate cities' domestic-partner benefit programs. And, she says, the campaign believes many people voted "no" who intended to vote "yes," confused by ballot language that said a "no" vote kept existing state law.

Well Cathi, here is one of those stupid idiots you refer to and it doesn’t sound like she was at all confused by the ballot language. Huh – go figure:

Cathi Herrod of the Protect Marriage Arizona campaign says "no part of her believes that Arizonans just didn't want to amend the Constitution or thought it went too far" ("Campaign proposing ban on same-sex marriage concedes defeat," Valley & State, Thursday).

Wow! I'm an intelligent, straight, native Arizonan, over 65, who voted "no" on the proposition. I do not want to amend the Constitution. I thought it went too far. Got it?

I especially do not want the domestic-partner benefits of city workers in Tempe, Phoenix, Tucson and other municipalities to be lost, and I think the amendment would have caused that.

My vote is reflective of where I stand on marriages and domestic partnerships of others, straight, gay or perplexed: It's not my business. -Kay Butler, Tempe

And speaking of stupid Arizonans, John McCain isn’t fooling Arizonans either

So John McCain wants to lecture us on Common Sense. Well some Arizonans want to give him a pointer or two. Me thinks Senator McCain would do well to step off his “Straight Talk Express” for a bit and listen to his constituents:

So Sen. John McCain thinks that conservatives should return to principles based on "common sense." Great! Here are some suggestions in that regard:

• It violates common sense to invade an Arabic, Muslim nation in defiance of international law, world opinion and the facts.

• It violates common sense to preach secular humanism to the Islamic world while arguing for a Christian theocracy here in America.

• It violates common sense to enact tax cuts for anybody, but particularly for the rich, during a time of war.

• It violates common sense to talk about "fiscal conservatism" while running up the largest debt in history.

• It violates common sense to make second-class citizens out of law-abiding homosexuals, when other nations as disparate as South Africa (formerly the land of apartheid), Spain (formerly fascist) and the Czech Republic (formerly communist) accord them equal rights.

How's that for starters? - Lee Poole, Phoenix

And we keep coming out…

This past month alone my husband and I have “come out” to probably 10 people about our son. The people with whom we are sharing this news are for the most part friends who have known us and our kids for decades. They are people we care deeply about and who care deeply about us.

In the beginning, this whole “coming out” thing was quite a process for us. First my husband and I had to agree that we were both emotionally ready to tell a particular person and then we had to be emotionally prepared for the possibility that their response might not be what we had expected, which would mean we also had to be prepared to say good bye to the friendship if said person reacted in a way that would make continuation of the friendship impossible. We also had to agree that it was the right time to tell that particular person and then think about the other people that we would need to tell as a result of telling that person so that we would not be ushering anyone else into the burden of keeping a secret. And then we had to agree on who would be the best one to tell the person (was this originally my husband’s friend or mine?), when would be the best time to tell the person (before dinner? after dinner? after a few beers? right before we say good bye?), and where would be the best place to tell the person (in the restaurant? in the parking lot? in the bathroom?).

The first few times were definitely heart-thumping, sweaty-palm, quivery-voice experiences. But thankfully, with each “coming out” those side affects mellowed a little more and it got little easier each time we did it. And after we’d get through the “ordeal” of coming out to someone we’d always feel this kind of exhausted euphoria, not unlike the high you get after a good hard workout. (And who wouldn’t be exhausted after going through what we’d go through to get to the point where we were actually ready to tell someone?)

Coming out for us has been a most cathartic and freeing experience. Each person we tell is one more person with whom we can finally be ourselves again. We hated those first few years of having this secret hanging over our heads. We hated worrying about people finding out accidentally. We hated feeling like we were always navigating a minefield each time we had a conversation with someone who didn’t know because we had to constantly and skillfully guide the conversation away from anything that might get close to our secret. And we hated having this thing always lingering in the not so distant recesses of our mind, keeping us from dedicating ourselves exclusively to anything else. And OMG we hated when we knew a gay joke or a nasty gay comment was coming because we had to keep up “the appearance” with these fake smiles frozen on our otherwise expressionless faces while we died a thousand deaths inside.

It was a terrible period. Secrets are awful. Feeling a shame you don’t even understand is horrendous. And knowing that shame is connected to a child you love and adore rocks you to your core with guilt. And after a while you just get to a point where you crack from it all. And for us it was the point at which we finally said screw this, we’ve had enough! Why should we be ashamed of anything? Why should we be afraid to tell someone our wonderful son is gay? Why is this even a god d*mn issue? Why have we allowed ignorant, intolerant people to use the Holy Bible to justify and excuse their hate? And why the hell are we playing into their hands?

And so we finally GOT IT, but not before we’d had three years of suffering under our belts. By staying in the closet we were doing exactly what the Dobson, Falwell, Robertson crowd wanted us to do. By coming out into the open we were their worst nightmare. Oh my god! It was wonderful realizing that we could be these hateful men’s worst nightmare? It was truly an epiphany! The last thing in the world that James Dobson wants is for a normal, loving, happy family like ours to be out in the open about our gay son. And god forbid we should proudly embrace and love him with no shame and no guilt. By putting the face of our son and our family on the Dobson, Robertson, Falwell gay boogieman, we strip these hateful preachers of their most potent weapon – fear of the unkown. It is much harder for people to buy into the garbage that these pulpit bullies are preaching when they actually know someone who is gay.

When I think of the years that our son struggled alone because he was afraid we wouldn’t love him anymore if we found out he was gay, I become enraged. And I blame the Dobson crowd. When I think of the years of pain and confusion that we spent trying to define our new normal after finding out we had a gay son, I become enraged. And I blame the Dobson crowd. When I fear for my son’s safety because he is gay, I become enraged. And I blame the Dobson crowd. When I think of the kids who are bullied mercilessly because they are gay, I become enraged. And I blame the Dobson crowd. When I think of the kids whose families have disowned them because they are gay, I become enraged. And I blame the Dobson crowd. When I think of the kids who have killed themselves because they cannot bear to live a life as a gay person stripped of all dignity, I become enraged. And I blame the Dobson crowd. And until sexual orientation is no longer an issue, I will continue to be enraged and blame the Dobson Crowd.

But we have the power to disarm these people who preach hate for our gay children. All we need to do is come out. By doing so, we free ourselves from a place we never should have been in the first place.

Getting "family values" right

And from the mouth of a Conservative no less:

"One might reasonably argue that a very good way to protect marriage is to remain faithful to one's spouse, but in politics that sort of behavior won't raise money for the interest groups or votes for the Republicans. In this case, "family values" wasn't about Sherwood's personal example, but his record of keeping homosexuals from marrying. Wouldn't it do more for the family to strengthen heterosexual marriage before telling others how to live their lives? Why have we seen so many politicians (and some clergy) who talk about "family values" turn out to be the worst practitioners of them?

With a change in focus, more people might want to hear why conservative Christians are faithful and, having heard, perhaps embrace that faithfulness. The culture might then reflect real "family values" from the bottom up, possibly even touching politicians in Washington," - Cal Thomas

Bravo Cal.

Hat tip Andrew

Dissecting the defeat of Arizona’s Proposition 107, the anti-gay marriage amendment

There is a lot of interesting tidbits to glean from exit polls. The analysis of these polls gives us insight into who voted to pass the anti-gay marriage amendment and who voted against it:

Andrew dumbs it down so we don’t have to:

Women are marginally more in favor of gay unions than men - but it's not that big a gender gap. Men split 50-50. Women broke 53 - 47 against a constitutional ban. The under-30s voted against the amendment by a whopping 61 to 39 percent. I expect in a decade or so that many of these amendments will be repealed by similar margins. Education is a key indicator of being anti-gay or not. Those with dropped out of high school favored the amendment by a huge 65 to 35 percent. Those who graduated college opposed it by a narrow margin. Post-grads were overwhelmingly opposed.

The only ethnic group to favor the amendment by a large margin was black, by 61 - 39 percent. Karl Rove's attempt to peel off a few black votes by gay-bashing was not stupid. It was based on the data. African-Americans are easily the ethnic group most hostile toward gay rights. The reasons may have more to do with education and class than race. But black homophobia exists - as any inner-city resident knows only too well.

Pam does an even better dumb down of the breakdown:

Against the amendment:
* moderates
* college grads
* white men
* white women
* voters earning over $50K
* younger voters
* city dwellers

Split:
* Hispanics

For the amendment:
* majority of blacks
* seniors
* conservative Republicans
* folks in the stix

Pam also linked to some really uplifting comments accompanying an AZStar online article regarding the failure of Proposition 107 - a spattering of which I just cannot resist posting here (last I looked there were 134 comments):

*Thank you again, Arizona. Reason and justice prevailed. Discrimination lost. It's about time.

*First, we have a governor that receives POSITIVE national recognition, now Arizona has defeated a very discriminitory ballot measure. This makes me proud to be an Arizonan.

*This is such a non-issue for so many Americans that I just want to open the doors and leave it alone forever. We don't need lawmakers and police stalking law-abiding taxpayers.

*What other people want to do with their lives is their business, as long as it does not affect me. Prop 107 is wrong headed in that is puts other peoples snouts in the personal and private business of consenting adults, who, by virtue of being adults, have the legal right (within the confines of law) to run their private lives as they see fit.The rejection of prop 107, as I see it, is not an endorsement of gay marriage, domestic partnerships or any similar issues. It is however, an affirmative step to give individuals the right to “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

Dang it’s nice to be able to say I live in the first state to see through this crap and vote down a discriminatory anti-gay marriage amendment on the ballot. And even though I am absolutely sure we will see some sort of watered down version back on the ballot in 2008, I am not going to let it rain on my parade right now. Nope, no hateful homophobe is going to ruin this Seething Mom’s celebration. Arizona sent a message with this one: stay the hell out of our private lives, leave consenting adults alone.

It’s just a damn shame that the tenacity, perseverance, and determination expended to enshrine hate and discrimination into our constitution couldn’t be used to alleviate hunger, suffering, and poverty instead. It really is a travesty. And so un-Jesus like too.

Welcome to 2006. Pentagon Alters Homosexuality Guidelines

Well it took 30 years (at least they beat the Catholic Church) but the Pentagon is now seeing the light – right? Um not so much:

Pentagon guidelines that classified homosexuality as a mental disorder now put it among a list of conditions or "circumstances" that range from bed-wetting to fear of flying.

Bed-wetting? Fear of flying? Good grief!

The revision came in response to criticism this year when it was discovered that the guidelines listed homosexuality alongside mental retardation and personality disorders.

Mental retardation? My gosh, our military may be considered the best in the world, but when it comes to gay issues, they’re downright embarrassing. What a bunch of wussies. Honestly.

UPDATE: John at AMERICAblog:

So, now where does your nation's military rate homosexuality? It's lumped in with these conditions:

Among the conditions are stammering or stuttering, dyslexia, sleepwalking, motion sickness, obesity, insect venom allergies and homosexuality.

You can't make this stuff up. Note to the military: All the branches are chock full of gays and lesbians. They do the job. You need them. Our country needs them.

And, here's an idea: Spend less time obsessing about gays and try to figure out how to prevail in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Pam’s take: Good night. This "upgrade" is so asinine that I can hardly believe it. The military is jumping through hoops to avoid releasing any guidelines that view homosexuality as normal.

***

Remember, all branches of the military have resorted to lowering standards, including recruiting people with antisocial personality disorder, autism, as well as welcoming in folks convicted of aggravated assault, robbery, vehicular manslaughter, receiving stolen property and making terrorist threats.

Meanwhile, able and ready gay and lesbian servicemembers are stigmatized and marginalized in a time of need.

Shakespeare’s Sister’s take: Remember the Pentagon document that classified homosexuality as a mental disorder? Well, the Pentagon has made amends, and now classifies homosexuality as one of many reasons for retirement or discharge, alongside fear of flying and bedwetting.

***

Methinks the only people wetting the bed in the military are those who completely lose control of their bodily functions at the mere thought of A GAY!!!

Btw, how many people do you think have been discharged in Iraq for stuttering?

Big Surprise: Three front-runners for President from “Party of Values” are all adulterers

What, it's not enough just to say you have values? You mean you gotta actually live em? Well according to former congressman Bob Dornan you do:

"I can't stand the thought of my party having as its three front-runners three open adulterers, Newt Gingrich, Giuliani, and McCain," Dornan said.

"I've got one mission left in me, to come up to New Hampshire and tell the truth, and tell the Republicans you better find yourself a fresh face and not Rudy Giuliani who took his mistress around with him and then divorces Donnna who learns she was divorced sitting at home watching TV with her children.

"We need a fresh face if the Republican Party is going to appeal to an Orthodox Jewish, Evangelical or practicing Catholic."
Aside from adultery, Dornan's other issue is homosexuality, which he called "a cancer in my party." (emphasis mine)

Wow Bob, you'd be the Dobson crowd's dream Presidential candidate. Go for it dude.

Oh God help us. 2008 is going to be a nightmare.

Hat tip AMERICAblog

Be careful WHO you HATE - it could be SOMEONE you love.

From the Phoenix PFLAG website:

--Author unknown—


I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. (yes, this actually happened)

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"

I am the gay male student that had to switch to another high school on my senior year, because I told my teachers that I was gay. One said that I was going to hell the other wanted to cure me.


Yes, Virginia, there really is a reason why we say . . .
HATE is NOT a 'family value'!

Content gay men living life to the fullest vs. Closeted gay hypocrites living lies to the fullest

Leonard Pitts, Jr. has a great column this week in which talks about two gay men : Neil Patrick Harris aka Doogie Howser, M.D. and Ted Haggard aka Pastor Ted:

Today's topic: flaunting homosexuality.

Exhibit A: Doogie.

Meaning Neil Patrick Harris who, in another life, was the title character in "Doogie Howser, M.D.,'' the tale of a boy genius who becomes a doctor. Recently, Harris was outed on a gossip Web site. His response in a statement to people.com said in part:

"I am happy to dispel any rumors or misconceptions and am quite proud to say that I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest.''

That was it. No muss, no fuss. The world continued spinning, the seas did not boil and the clouds did not bleed.

And then there is:

Exhibit B: Pastor Ted.

Until earlier this month, he was senior pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs and president of the National Association of Evangelicals, an influential preacher who had George Bush's ear. Neither the church nor the NAE has been known for its friendliness toward gay people. So there was quite an uproar when Mike Jones, a gay prostitute, dropped the bombshell allegation that he'd had a three-year sexual relationship with the preacher. Haggard initially denied even knowing Jones but then recanted, admitting that, on at least one occasion, he sought a massage and bought meth from the gay hooker.

On Nov. 2, Haggard stepped down from the NAE presidency. Two days later, his church fired him. He has confessed to "sexual immorality'' and will spend the next three to five years in "restoration,'' a process that reportedly involves confrontation, counsel and - you can't make this stuff up - rebuke from "godly men.''

Pitts then goes on to list others in the same category as Pastor Ted who lived life as closeted gays until being exposed. These men include the late gay-bashing former Spokane mayor: James West, Michael Bussee and Gary Cooper, leaders in the "curing homosexuality'' movement until they fell in love with one another and of course others too numerous to list.

And he asks 2 questions:

1)

Can't we now safely assume any conservative who rants about the homosexual agenda is a lying hypocrite gayer than a Castro Street bar? (emphasis mine)

2)

Wouldn't you much rather be Neil Patrick Harris than Ted Haggard just now? In other words, wouldn't you rather be a content gay man living life to the fullest, than a closeted gay hypocrite living lies to the fullest? Especially since lies are so frequently found out.

He finishes his column up by making the same point anyone with an ounce of common sense already knows:

In a culture that allows gay people room to be gay people, there is no need of lies. In a culture that does not - i.e., theirs [social conservatism] - lies are rampant. And that's unfortunate, not simply for the person in question, but for all the people in his or her life.

And here, I'm thinking of Gayle Alcorn. She and Haggard have five children. They've been married 28 years. That's a long time to sleep next to a lie.

I bet she wishes he had "flaunted'' his homosexuality a long time ago.

How many broken families are casualties of the Dobson Family Advocacy Crowd? What a tragedy that these Snake Oil Hucksters (gayer than a Castro Street bar?) still have such a strong voice after wreaking so much damage and destruction on the very entities they claim to advocate for?

He let me down

Last week I had an appointment with a doctor I see every six months. He has been my doctor for the last ten years, ever since we moved back to Arizona from Minnesota. I really like him, in spite of the fact that the 5 or so referrals from people I knew and trusted all came with caveats about his “brusque attitude” and “total lack of bedside manner”.

For some reason, “Doc” and I just clicked, I rather liked his blunt way of answering my questions, and I always felt I was in very capable hands. This was particularly comforting when I had a recurrence of cancer 3 years ago (yes, right at the same time I found out my son was gay). And it was at this time that I also realized that the man really was very caring and compassionate, in spite of the tough guy veneer he put forward. But something happened my last appointment that I cannot stop thinking about. It was subtle, but clear: even tough guys fear what they do not understand.

I keep wondering how I should have handled it since I basically did nothing. Doc’s regular nurse was not in that day and in her place was a young male nurse. Within seconds I strongly suspected (actually no, I knew) this young man was gay. His name was “Michael” and he was adorable. I asked him how old he was, guessing he was close in age to my own sons, and he told me he was 20. I immediately wanted to hug him. He was just that kind of kid – huggable. He was all smiles and energy – a very welcome change from the usually somber almost wake-like atmosphere I usually encounter in that office. He truly lit up the room with his cheerful personality, heck he even made a blood draw an adventure. Michael just seemed to be the breath of fresh air that office, with an average patient age of 90, needed.

BUT it didn’t take long before I realized that not everyone in the office thought Michael was great to have around. The minute Michael left the room it became very clear that Doc was extremely uncomfortable with this young man. The under-the-breath comments started flying virtually the second the door securely closed behind Michael. Doc seemed to feel an urgent need to make it clear to me that he was not happy with his regular nurse’s replacement with comments like “I don’t know how I am going to get through the day today with HIM” accompanied by an eye roll towards the door through which Michael had just exited. And he continued on with more comments, each reflecting a little more disdain and a little more discomfort than the last. I was taken aback, but managed not to show it.

I simply did not expect this behavior from the normally very professional doctor I had come to know and respect over the past decade. My initial reaction was speechlessness. My second reaction was anger. How could Doc have so confidently assumed that he could make those comments to me and not offend me? And why did he think that I would just automatically agree with him? Obviously the possibility that I might have a gay loved one didn’t occur to him, but shouldn’t it have? How could such a smart man be so threatened by this 20 year old kid? And with his medical training how could he be so damned stupid about homosexuality? I was stunned into a silent stupor.

Yes, lame, I know… I am still beating myself up. A fricken opportunity to make a difference and I blew it.

I wanted very badly to say something profound to him. But my mind just could not work that fast. My very first thought was to just blurt out that I had a gay son, but I could not bring myself to do it, and not because I was ashamed, but because I did not want to shame him. I have never believed in teaching by shaming or embarrassing. But an even bigger reason for holding back was that I was carefully weighing and measuring responses because I did not want our doctor/patient relationship to slip into an uncomfortable place that would make future medical conversations difficult or impossible to have. Don’t get me wrong, there was an abundance of responses rushing through my head at lightening speed, but the need to analyze the potential repercussions ultimately paralyzed me into a stupid silence. And I simply sat there like a stunned idiot whose face felt on fire.

I left the office that day really shaken. I left there feeling heartsick. And I left there feeling I had betrayed my son and “Michael” the nurse. The doctor who’d been my hero when I was sick fell down a few notches in status that day. He became a human with as many frailties and imperfections as the rest of us mere mortals. I was so sad and disappointed. But the biggest disappointment was with myself. I left his office that day knowing I should have done more, but still not knowing exactly what. Maybe I just have to start accepting that there will always be people who will hate or feel discomfort with that which they do not understand.

On second thought, NO I’m not accepting anything. Doc and I need to have a little talk on our next appointment.

Another hate-filled, fear-mongering, homophobe with a microphone

Just another day at the office:

"And I want to tell you something, and I'm going to say it to you loud and clear. The radical homosexual agenda will not stop until religion is outlawed in this country. Make no mistake about it. They're all not nice decorators. You better get it through your head before it's too late. They threaten your very survival. They went after the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is now caving into the homosexual mafia. They will not stop until they force their agenda down your throats. Gay marriage is just the tip of the iceberg. They want full and total subjugation of this society to their agenda. Now, if you want that and if you don't think it's a threat -- believe me, that is what's going to occur in this country," - radio talk-show host, Michael Savage, with 8 million listeners daily.

My God how do these people live with themselves?

Hat tip Andrew

Ban Religion?

Elton John thinks so:

Religion should be outlawed because it lacks compassion and promotes hatred.

***

"Organized religion doesn't seem to work. It turns people into really hateful lemmings and it's not really compassionate. The world is near escalating to World War Three and where are the leaders of each religion?”

Three and a half years ago, I would have thought his statements were a tad bit radical, but now, not so much. In fact, today I have to say that I agree with him.

I have lived my entire life as a Catholic. I was born, baptized, educated, and married in the Catholic Church, and then I turned around and repeated the cycle with my own 3 children. But today, not one member of my family considers them self a Catholic anymore. And why would we?

The big question that haunts me now is why in the hell it took finding out I had a gay son before I saw through the Catholic Church and organized religion in general. As far as I’m concerned, Elton John’s words aren’t strong enough!

God I feel betrayed, duped, and so damned angry I could spit.

Colbert Tribute to 12 Years of Republican Majority

Ok Dems, this is one act that should not be hard to improve upon.

Make us proud again, please.

Morbo has some advice for Pastor Ted

There is a better way:

Come out of the closet. It's dark and scary in there. Walk into the light. Accept yourself. If there's a God, he made you the way you are for a reason. Deal with that.

If Christianity is important to you, keep it. There are other varieties out there aside from fundamentalist Christianity. It's obvious one thing about you has to change. I'm not a psychologist, but my guess is it's a heck of a lot easier to change your religion than your sexual orientation.

Amen Morbo, Amen!

Slowly we share our news

Last night my husband and I went to dinner with a friend we’ve known for 23 years, but hadn’t seen for a while. She has literally watched our children grow up and has always been a big part of our family. But she didn’t yet know about our gay son, her favorite.

We have been slowly but surely telling friends and family over the past year or so, even though we have known for about 3 years. We held off from telling people not because we feared their reactions, but because we feared our own. We felt strongly that presentation was everything and we did not want to present the news as anything but a statement of fact, not tragedy. In the beginning that would have been impossible. We needed time to get comfortable with our new reality and it definitely took time to get there. I am not ashamed to say that, it’s just the way it was. There was never any doubt we’d get there, just uncertainty about the timetable for arrival.

Interestingly the people we have told so far were more surprised at how long it took us to tell them than the actual news about our son. Their reactions, as we suspected, were sincerely loving and genuine. Yes, there was surprise, it was almost universal, but the response after the momentary silence that hung in the air was also universal: It doesn’t matter, we love him with all of our heart, and that will never change.

It was a gorgeous evening last night. We sat outside at this restaurant and over a glass of wine reminisced with our dear friend about all the memories of our kids growing up. We laughed and got nostalgic. We talked about how scary fast the time had passed and the impossibility of denying it when our 3 almost-grown kids stood before us as reminders. And then she brought up our gay son and talked of his uncanny ability to connect with other people’s feelings and how she always believed he’d make some lucky girl an amazing husband. My husband and I looked at each other and knew there would be no better time and we told her. Her reaction was as we knew it would be, loving and accepting. And then with a twinkle in her eye, maybe from the wine, maybe from a tear, she altered her statement and replaced “lucky girl” with “lucky guy”. She had no problem altering her reality.

Gingrich Rises and so does the bile in my gut.

{Groan} I read this and now I have a stomach ache:

Newt Gingrich "emerges as top conservative prospect for Republican 2008 field."

I can see it now. Newt, the good Conservative Christian Soldier will ride in with pomp and circumstance and announce to the weary masses that he is back. He’ll state his mission: to rescue his flailing party from disgrace and exile and return it to its rightful place as the Grand Old Party and more importantly God’s Only Party. He’ll beat the same tired old drums his sorry fallen comrades did back in 2004. Oh I can hear it now: “I’m gonna save everyone’s marriage from all those gays lurking in the shadows”, “I’ll be the guardian of our nation’s collective morals”, and “And I’ll protect the American family from the evils of uhhhh -------all things g-a-y.” And then he’ll do one of his all-knowing winks to ol Doc Dobson, who will be lurking in the shadows offstage. And once again we will watch this Party and this man try to convince Americans how they have the patent on Family Values, Morals, and Sanctity of Marriage. {Groan} Will Americans go for it again? Oh God I hope not.

What gives me the stomach ache is imagining Newt Gingrich, of all people, uttering anything about marriage, morals, or family. I just don’t think I can stomach it. HE is the last guy who should be talking about any of those things. My God, if America really wanted to protect sanctity of marriage, family values, and morals, they’d ban people like HIM from ever marrying again. He is the friggin poster boy for everything that’s wrong with marriage and values today. And this mother of 3 and wife of 25 years just cannot bear the thought of having to listen to this man of multiple affairs and divorces flinging empty words about saving me, my marriage, or my family. I think I’d go off the deep end.

I am so weary of these pompous asses treating Americans like stupid morons with no memories beyond yesterday. Could Newt be stupid enough to run on this kind of platform again? Does he realize that he’d be opening himself up to articles like this:

T]he most notorious [adulterer] of them all is undoubtedly Gingrich, who ran for Congress in 1978 on the slogan, "Let Our Family Represent Your Family." (He was reportedly cheating on his first wife at the time). In 1995, an alleged mistress from that period, Anne Manning, told Vanity Fair's Gail Sheehy: "We had oral sex. He prefers that modus operandi because then he can say, 'I never slept with her.'" Gingrich obtained his first divorce in 1981, after forcing his wife, who had helped put him through graduate school, to haggle over the terms while in the hospital, as she recovered from uterine cancer surgery. In 1999, he was disgraced again, having been caught in an affair with a 33-year-old congressional aide while spearheading the impeachment proceedings against President Clinton.

It is hard to imagine that he’d really even want to put himself in the limelight, let alone run for President, but with this crowd, anything is possible. Now if he was taking advice from this Seething Mom, I’d tell him he might want to reconsider his 2008 plans. Americans are in a surly mood. And I don’t think it’s going to get much better by 2008. And I don’t see Americans falling quite as quickly for the Moral Values, Family Values, Sanctity of Marriage dung they flung at us in 2004.