Gay Marriage: One baby step at a time

Rell Would Veto Same-Sex Marriage Bill

Wow, I thought my beautiful Saturday morning was going to be ruined when I saw that headline above. I even debated whether I wanted to read the article or not. But glutton for punishment that I am, I took the plunge:

With advocates and opponents of same-sex marriage gearing up for another battle at the state Capitol, Gov. M. Jodi Rell on Friday said that she would veto any legislation that allows gay and lesbian couples to marry.

Okay, at this point I’m working myself into a huff. My heart is starting to beat faster. My adrenalin is beginning to flow. My face is starting to feel a bit hot. And my fingers are starting to twitch in anticipation of the digital tirade I know I’ll be going on in just a matter of minutes -- when lo and behold -- the second and third paragraphs give me a chance to take a deep relaxing breath:

The Republican governor signed the bill in 2005 that allowed same-sex couples to enter into legal civil unions. Connecticut was the first state to voluntarily pass such legislation without court pressure.

"I said ... when I signed the civil union bill that I believed it covered the concerns that had been raised. And I believe that that bill was the appropriate way to go and I still do," Rell told reporters at a state Capitol news conference. "And the answer is `yes,' I would veto a bill that provides for same-sex marriage."

Now I may disappoint some with what I’m about to say next, but I have to say it anyway. Governor Rell is a Republican governor. That’s huge people. When it comes to doing anything positive for gays and lesbians, a Republican politician definitely puts their political career at risk by being a trailblazer in this area. And let’s face it, on this she is a lone voice of reason in the enemy camp. The fact that she signed a civil union bill in spite of the intense anti-gay climate that her fellow Republicans have created and successfully used for political gain should not be minimized. She signed a civil union bill in spite of the risk to her political career, and you and I both know plenty of Democratic politicians who wouldn’t touch this issue with a ten-foot pole. And don’t kid yourselves, you know Governor Rell signed this bill under the immense pressure of opposition from the faux “Family Advocacy” groups, which could not have been easy. And lest you forget, these nutcases are her base.

Yes, of course I would like to see same-sex marriage legally recognized in every state (tomorrow), but I strongly believe this fight is only going to be won in baby steps and with patience. Getting impatient and pushing for gay marriage so soon after this huge victory with civil unions in Connecticut is, in my opinion, counterproductive and could be detrimental to achieving the ultimate goal of marriage equality. Many people will perceive this as shoving same-sex marriage down their throats, which isn’t what anyone should want. The push-back from foes will be fierce. And the last thing we need is to have this nasty divisive issue on our plates any longer than we have to. It’s certainly the gift that keeps on giving for the James Dobson crowd. And lord knows it has been the lifeblood that sustains them since doing the work of Christ isn’t as financially lucrative as the hate-monger business.

I believe we need to give the good people of Connecticut time to see that their lives will not fall apart when two people of the same sex are allowed to enter into legally sanctioned civil unions. Give them time to see that allowing more people access to legal unions helps contribute to a healthy, stable, and more responsible society, and not the other way around as James Dobson would have them believe. Give them time to see that all the doom and gloom predictions were just homophobic fear-mongering from people who have so much to gain by keeping a whole class of people oppressed simply because of who they love. Give them time to see that gay unions will actually encourage sexual responsibility and less promiscuity, which in turn will lead to less HIV, hepatitis, and other STDs. Give them time to see that protecting the children and spouses of all families is the ultimate family value and one that every family should be entitled to. And give them time to realize that gay people are really no different than themselves, that wanting what’s best for one’s family is a universal desire, not one contingent on sexual orientation. And once people start realizing that we humans are more alike than different, it becomes more difficult to deny basic rights to people based solely on who they love.

Please don’t get me wrong on this. I dream of a world in which my gay son can some day marry the man he loves if he so chooses. I long for the day when he can have a family if he so chooses. I hope that one day I can be a mother-in-law to his spouse and a grandmother to his children. And I pray that one day his biggest worries won’t be how he will provide his children and his spouse with the same protections we take for granted, but rather how he can be the best spouse, father, and member of society that he can be. And I pray that society will soon realize that when it treats him like an equal, it will get paid back in dividends.

I hope I have not offended those who have thanklessly and tirelessly fought for equality for so much longer than I ever will. It is not lost on me that I am relatively new to this fight or that I have never been denied any of these rights they are fighting for, but that does not make me any less passionate about the cause. And until my gay son has the same rights my straight son has, I shall never rest.