Grief and Betrayal

I am too heartsick to say much about Obama's vigorous and very hurtful defense of DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act. But suffice it to say that not only did this administration defend DOMA with a zeal that could warm the cockles of even James Dobson's stone-cold heart, but gratuitous Religious Right homophobic venom such as comparisons between same-sex marriage and incest were used to make extra sure they got their point across. And yes, I got their point loud and clear, my son is just as much a political tool and liability to this administration as he was to past administrations. The only difference is I expected this hateful nonsense from George W. Bush, I didn't expect it from this President. And that is what stings the most.

What a naive fool I am. I actually believed I was supporting, both financially and with my vote, a man who was going to be my beloved gay son's "fierce advocate" (Obama's words, not mine) in the fight for his equality. And my husband and I did everything in our power to help him get elected.

Someone please please kick me in the gut, I need something to take my mind off the intense grief and betrayal I am feeling.

From the New York Times:

The Obama administration, which came to office promising to protect gay rights but so far has not done much, actually struck a blow for the other side last week. It submitted a disturbing brief in support of the Defense of Marriage Act, which is the law that protects the right of states to not recognize same-sex marriages and denies same-sex married couples federal benefits. The administration needs a new direction on gay rights.

...If the administration does feel compelled to defend [DOMA], it should do so in a less hurtful way. It could have crafted its legal arguments in general terms, as a simple description of where it believes the law now stands. There was no need to resort to specious arguments and inflammatory language to impugn same-sex marriage as an institution.

The best approach of all would have been to make clear, even as it defends the law in court, that it is fighting for gay rights. It should work to repeal "don't ask, don't tell," the law that bans gay men and lesbians in the military from being open about their sexuality. It should push hard for a federal law banning employment discrimination. It should also work to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act in Congress.

The administration has had its hands full with the financial crisis, health care, Guantánamo Bay and other pressing matters. In times like these, issues like repealing the marriage act can seem like a distraction — or a political liability. But busy calendars and political expediency are no excuse for making one group of Americans wait any longer for equal rights.

Never again will I be so gullible. Never again.