Another sanctimonious GOP SOB hypocrite falls PART 2

OMG.

This is getting old. Another "Family Values", "Christian Values", "Protector of Marriage", FRAUD is out there doing EVERYTHING he has been so sanctimoniously preaching against for years. Governor Mark Sanford (South Carolina) gets added to the loooong and ever-growing list of Sanctimonious GOP Frauds who have given the term Hypocrite new meaning:

Another sanctimonious GOP SOB hypocrite falls

Awwwwww look at that happy couple. Can't you just feel the Sanctity of their marriage just oozing out all over your computer screen?

And why wouldn't you? This is Nevada Senator John Ensign and his wife Darlene. And yes, this is the same guy who proclaimed back in 2004:

“Marriage is the cornerstone on which our society was founded. For those who say that the Constitution is so sacred that we cannot or should not adopt the Federal Marriage Amendment, I would simply point out that marriage, and the sanctity of that institution, predates the American Constitution and the founding of our nation.”

Well guess what?

The sanctity of the born-again Senator’s own marriage didn’t last so long. Ensign has now admitted that he had an affair between December 2007 and August 2008 with a woman who worked for both his re-election campaign and his Battleborn political action committee. To make matters worse, the New York Times reports that the woman’s husband had worked on Ensign’s Senate staff. MSNBC is reporting that Ensign is telling fellow Senators that he’s coming forward to head off an extortion attempt by his former mistress. Politico reports that it’s the mistress’s husband who was trying to shake Ensign down.

Ensign demanded Sen. Larry Craig’s resignation in September 2007 over Craig’s arrest for soliciting sexual favors in a Minnesota airport public men’s room. He also called for President Bill Clinton’s resignation during the Monica Lewinsky scandal while running for the Senate in 1998. No word yet on whether Ensign plans on resigning, or if he’s going to relinquish his chairmanship of the powerful GOP Policy Committee. Darlene Ensign, like Larry Craig’s wife, is standing by her man.

Ho hum. Another loathsome holier-than-thou Republican fraud who cannot keep his own you-know-what in his pants, but has no problem legislating other people's morality. What a creep.

Rachael Maddow's take on the affair:

How my son became a political tool

Hat tip JMG

Grief and Betrayal

I am too heartsick to say much about Obama's vigorous and very hurtful defense of DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act. But suffice it to say that not only did this administration defend DOMA with a zeal that could warm the cockles of even James Dobson's stone-cold heart, but gratuitous Religious Right homophobic venom such as comparisons between same-sex marriage and incest were used to make extra sure they got their point across. And yes, I got their point loud and clear, my son is just as much a political tool and liability to this administration as he was to past administrations. The only difference is I expected this hateful nonsense from George W. Bush, I didn't expect it from this President. And that is what stings the most.

What a naive fool I am. I actually believed I was supporting, both financially and with my vote, a man who was going to be my beloved gay son's "fierce advocate" (Obama's words, not mine) in the fight for his equality. And my husband and I did everything in our power to help him get elected.

Someone please please kick me in the gut, I need something to take my mind off the intense grief and betrayal I am feeling.

From the New York Times:

The Obama administration, which came to office promising to protect gay rights but so far has not done much, actually struck a blow for the other side last week. It submitted a disturbing brief in support of the Defense of Marriage Act, which is the law that protects the right of states to not recognize same-sex marriages and denies same-sex married couples federal benefits. The administration needs a new direction on gay rights.

...If the administration does feel compelled to defend [DOMA], it should do so in a less hurtful way. It could have crafted its legal arguments in general terms, as a simple description of where it believes the law now stands. There was no need to resort to specious arguments and inflammatory language to impugn same-sex marriage as an institution.

The best approach of all would have been to make clear, even as it defends the law in court, that it is fighting for gay rights. It should work to repeal "don't ask, don't tell," the law that bans gay men and lesbians in the military from being open about their sexuality. It should push hard for a federal law banning employment discrimination. It should also work to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act in Congress.

The administration has had its hands full with the financial crisis, health care, Guantánamo Bay and other pressing matters. In times like these, issues like repealing the marriage act can seem like a distraction — or a political liability. But busy calendars and political expediency are no excuse for making one group of Americans wait any longer for equal rights.

Never again will I be so gullible. Never again.

AZ Legislature Moves To Strip Domestic Partner Benefits

I am so angry right now, I cannot think straight. So I'll let Jim at Box Turtle Bulletin give you the details of the latest idiocy going on in the backward state of Arizona since I feel like I am going to be sick:

Here’s a story that goes to show that marriage opponents will lie, cheat and steal to have their way.

Last summer, Arizona lawmakers broke Senate rules in order to place an anti-marriage amendment on the 2008 ballot. At the time, they said that Prop 102 would not endanger domestic partnerships, and that all they wanted to do was “define marriage” in the state constitution. Marriage opponents went on to make this a key centerpiece on their Prop 102 campaign, that they had no interest in denying anyone’s domestic partnership benefits.

Well now we know that was yet another bold-faced lie:

State lawmakers are moving to strip the domestic partners of state and university employees of the health insurance coverage they gained just a year ago.

A provision in the state budget would legally define “dependents” of state employees who are entitled to coverage as a spouse or a child younger than 19 — or younger than 23 if a full-time student. Changing the law would override regulations adopted last year that added domestic partners and their children to the list.

The state Department of Administration says about 750 workers who have signed up for the benefits would be affected.

The measure passed the House last night and is now on the governor’s desk. Gov. Jan Brewer (R), who became governor when Janet Napolitano (D) became Homeland Security secretary for the Obama administration, was on record in 2006 for opposing domestic partner benefits for state employees.

Equality Arizona is urging state residents to call Governor’s office (602-... or toll free at 1-800...) or email the Governor here.

As I've mentioned before, I'm a native Arizonan, but as far as I am concerned, it's nothing I want to brag about. Right now, I can feel nothing but shame. No wonder my three children, all of whom graduated in the top 5% of their high school classes, hoofed it out of this backward state as fast as they could. Why would they stay? They had merit scholarships giving them almost free rides to private universities in more progressive states that value people on their abilities and not whom they choose to love. Why the hell would anyone stay here when one's potential contribution to this state is completely irrelevant if the person they love doesn't meet the standards set by the neanderthals in our state legislature?

There is nothing left here for my husband and me. Our kids are gone. Any pride we had in this state is gone. I suppose we are not long for this place either. But until we can get out of here, I am going to fight on. Hopeless as it feels right now.

If you are an Arizona resident, please call and give our governor an earful (Jim lists the numbers above). Who knows, maybe our new governor has enough sense to see that this legislation is nothing more than hate and homophobia. And Arizona is the loser.

Wanted: President with empathy

Dear President Obama,

I write to you today as a parent, and I am asking you to hear my plea not as President of the United States, but as the parent of two beautiful daughters.

My husband and I cried tears of joy that November night back in 2008 when you were declared the victor and 44th president of the United States. But despite our tremendous relief that George W. Bush would soon be gone and you would soon be taking over, it was still a bittersweet night for us. Yes, our hopes and prayers had been answered. Yes, the eight year nightmare finally felt almost over. But our intense joy was overshadowed by the passages of hateful marriage amendments in both Arizona and California.

My husband and I understood exactly what those horrible marriage amendments were really all about and we knew it had nothing to do with protecting the sanctity of our 27-year marriage, and everything to do with hate, ignorance and bigotry masquerading as a mandate from God. It was also the point at which we painfully realized that enough of our fellow Arizonans, possibly friends and neighbors among them, felt so strongly that our son was not worthy of the same rights they enjoyed that they could pull the lever for enshrining his second-class citizenship into our state constitution. I cannot describe the pain we felt. Saying it was excruciating just doesn't do it justice.

But thankfully I was able to console myself with the knowledge that these amendments represented the last of the divisive political tactics used by the previous administration to pit American against American simply to win, with no regard to the damage it would do to our country. We just knew that with your election this kind of stuff would soon be an ugly memory and that we would soon have a man of honor and dignity coming into office - a man who promised, over and over, to make things right.

Mr. President, we were deeply moved by all of the inspirational speeches you gave during your campaign. We hung on to your every word. We were so desperate for change and your words filled us with so much hope and optimism. We believed you when you promised you'd fight for legal equality for gays and lesbians by expanding the Employment Non-Discrimination Act to include sexual orientation and gender identity, we believed you when said you'd urge states to treat same-sex couples with full equality in their family and adoption laws, we believed you when you promised you'd repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, and we believed you when you said you'd support the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

Just recently you spoke about choosing a person who would judge with “empathy” for the U.S. Supreme Court. That resonates with me. I believe in the power of being able to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. I believe that ability makes one a better a better friend, neighbor, parent, judge, lawmaker, and yes, President of the United States. And it is, Mr. President, a quality I thought I saw in you.

But maybe I was wrong.

Yes, I know, you walked into a horrific mess on January 20th, 2009. Yes, your plate is full. Yes, there are many urgent matters that must be dealt with. And yes, you must make some tremendously difficult prioritizing decisions. But your silence on every single one of these LGBT issues Mr. President, is deafening. And it is a crushing disappointment.

Do you ever ask yourself how you'd feel if one of your precious daughter's rights were up for negotiation at the ballot box every time some person or church decided that who your daughter chooses to love doesn't meet their religious standards? Do you ever wonder what it would be like to explain to your daughters why one of them will have all the rights and protections guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States and the other never will? Have you ever asked yourself how you would feel if people who claim to be religious used all their time, energy, and precious resources fighting to keep one of your daughters from being included in school anti-bullying measures or hate-crime legislation while the other daughter's inclusion is a foregone conclusion? Do you ever ask yourself how you'd feel if one of your daughters was dismissed from the military after years of committed service to her country because she refused to lie about who she was? Do you ever wonder how it would make you feel if one of your daughters was turned away from a job, or fired from a job, or denied housing because of her sexual orientation, percieved or real? Does the idea of putting one of your daughter's rights up for a vote feel like mob rule to you? Do any of these scenarios make you sick to your stomach. Would these scenarios feel like minor injustices that could be put on a back burner to be addressed at a much later date if one of your daughters were gay?

I could go on and on, but I won't. The fact that I am pleading with you nearly 5 months into your presidency to keep the promises you made while asking for my vote is telling. The fact that I have to beg you to make my son an equal citizen of this great country is something I cannot believe I'm being forced to do. The idea that the constitutionally protected rights of a minority can be put up for a vote by the majority is un-American, unconstitutional, and just plain wrong.

So I ask you Mr. President, how would you feel if you were forced to beg your friends, your neighbors, your fellow citizens, and even the President of the United States to treat one of your precious daughters the same way they treat their own children? How would you feel? Horrified? Indifferent? Filled with seething rage? I need to know, because your answer to that question will tell me just how much empathy you have.

Christians Owe Gays Apology

That is the conclusion a prominent professor of Christian ethics at Mercer University has taken away after reading the book: Crisis: 40 Stories Revealing the Personal, Social, and Religious Pain and Trauma of Growing Up Gay in America. In fact the impact this book must have had on this professor, David P. Gushee, must have been pretty profound because he wrote an editorial -- or more accurately a book review -- titled Church-based hate, which appears in today's edition of The Christian Century. And it is well worth reading in its entirety.

The book tells the heart-wrenching stories of teenagers from religious families and congregations and the sheer hell they go through because of their sexual orientation:

Jarrod Parker woke up one morning at Boy Scout camp (having apparently been drugged the night before) with the word "faggot" written across his forehead, "a picture of a penis at the corner of my mouth," and further obscenities and drawings scrawled over his chest and back. Jorge Valencia, who works at a teen crisis and suicide prevention hotline, recalls getting calls from youths whose parents had told them, "I would rather have a dead son than a gay son." Rodney Powell, a black homosexual who marched during the civil rights movement, says: "I suffered more fear and numbing anxiety from my 'secret' as a teenager than I did from racism and segregation."

Two of the stories are told by the parents of young adult children who died. Mary Lou Wallner lost her 29-year-old daughter Anna to suicide. Wallner was estranged from her daughter because of her inability to come to terms with her daughter's sexuality. She writes that the last communication she had from her daughter was a letter telling her that "I was her mother only in a biological way, that I had done colossal damage to her soul with my shaming words, and that she did not want to, and did not have to, forgive me." Wallner decided to "respect Anna's wishes and give her the space she was asking for." The next communication she received was the news that Anna was dead.

"What do I wish I'd done? What would I do now? Grab my toothpaste, credit card and car keys, jump in the car, drive to where she lives and tell her I love her no matter what. I did not do that, and now I never can." Wallner and her husband now run an organization whose goal is to reunite parents with their gay children.

Elke Kennedy was awakened at 4:30 one morning in May 2007 with a call from a South Carolina hospital, where her 20-year-old son Sean had been brought. "When I finally got to see my son, my knees buckled. He was lying flat on his back, stitches on his upper lip, blood on his hair and neck, hooked up to a respirator. As I stood there holding his hand, he felt so cold. I wanted to hug him, to keep him warm. I kissed him, telling him I was there and that I loved him so much and to please wake up. I remember praying. A doctor came in and explained that the tests had revealed Sean had severe brain damage and his injuries were not survivable."

What had happened to Sean? "As he was leaving a bar, a man named Stephen Moller got out of the car and called Sean a faggot. Then he punched Sean so hard he broke Sean's facial bones and separated his brain from his brain stem. Sean fell backward onto the pavement, and his brain ricocheted in his head."

Sean died. Moller was convicted only of involuntary manslaughter and was jailed in November 2007. Although his request for early parole was denied in February of this year, he will finish his modest sentence in July.

The book also offers some pretty sobering data as well:

• Suicide is the third-leading cause of death among 15-to-24-year-olds; for every young person who takes his or her own life, 20 more try.

• Gay teens are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers.

• Forty-five percent of gay men and 20 percent of lesbians surveyed had been victims of verbal and physical assaults in secondary school specifically because of their sexual orientation.

• Gay youth are at higher risk of being kicked out of their homes and turning to life on the streets for survival. They are more likely than their heterosexual peers to start using tobacco, alcohol and illegal drugs at an earlier age.

• Twenty-eight percent of gay students drop out of school—more than three times the national average.

This book really opens Professor Gushee's eyes to the sheer hell that our gay and lesbian children go through. In fact, to the professor's credit, he doesn't shield his Christian brothers and sisters from the cold hard truth about what they have done to these children and young adults in the name of God:

As an evangelical Christian whose career has been spent in the South, I must say I find it scandalous that the most physically and psychologically dangerous place to be (or even appear to be) gay or lesbian in America is in the most religiously conservative families, congregations and regions of this country. Most often these are Christian contexts. Many of the most disturbing stories in this volume come from the Bible Belt. This marks an appalling Christian moral failure.

In contrast to the love and mercy that Jesus exemplified, Christian communities offer young lesbians and gays hate and rejection. Sometimes that rejection is declared directly from the pulpit. But even when church leaders attempt to be more careful, to "hate the sin but love the sinner" (as that hackneyed formulation has it), the love gets lost. Perhaps we need to focus on refining our ability to love; maybe we are not actually capable of compartmentalizing hate.

And a big AMEN and thank you to Professor Gushee from this Seething Momma for closing with this:

Crisis recounts the sad stories of dozens of young people who, like the biblical Esau, cried for a blessing from their parents, friends and churches. All too often they have not received it. All too often they have been left broken, rejected as human beings—at the hands of Christians and in the name of the Bible. Obviously we must extend basic acceptance to gay youths such as these, as well as Christian love.

Moreover, after reading these stories, I feel that Christians have something they need to request from God and from gays and lesbians, and that is forgiveness.

Today Is International Day Against Homophobia 2009

Taken straight from JMG:



You are losing James Dobson. Give it up. Go away. No one is listening to your lies anymore.

Dear Marie Osmond,

From one mother of a gay child to another - thank you, thank you, thank you. Your support for your daughter is touching - and very brave. You didn't have to come out so publicly, but you did, in spite of your own church's very public anti-gay stands. It proves one thing I already knew, there is no match for a mother's (or a father's) love for their child:

Marie Osmond was on radio station KOST 103.5 Los Angeles yesterday, discussing her lesbian daughter Jessica and Marie's beliefs.

Contrary to rumors, Marie spoke of how much she loves and supports her daughter, despite her own religious convictions.

Naturally, the gay marriage question came up, and, we're proud to say, Marie spoke in support of civil rights for everyone, regardless of orientation.

The Mormon Church (in your case) and the Catholic Church (in my case) is wrong. Dead wrong. Sinfully wrong. Unforgivably wrong. And I hope God will forgive them their sins against our children because God only knows I cannot.

Audio at this link.

H/T: Queers United

RIP Bea Arthur

I was a huge fan of The Golden Girls. And so were my kids. They were pretty little when the show was at its peak popularity and I suspect that most of the jokes went right over their heads, but still, it was so much fun to cuddle up with the three of them on those cold Minnesota nights and watch those zany, sexy women entertain us. And it probably didn't hurt that I would let them stay up past their bedtime just to watch this show.

So it was with great sadness that I learned that one of those beautiful Golden Girls, Bea Arthur, died this weekend.

I shall always be grateful to these magnificent women for the good laughs and priceless memories they gave my family.

Judy Shepard Calls For Hate Crimes Law

Can someone please explain to me why Judy Shepard has had to wait 10 long years to see whether Congress will pass legislation that will add "actual or perceived sexual orientation, gender, gender identity and disability" to Federal Hate Crime laws?

Honestly, how can anyone look this mother in the eye and tell her that her son was not the victim of a horrible crime because he was gay? Oh --- that's right, the Religious Right folks have no problem whatsoever telling her why her beloved son's murder should not be considered a hate crime.

From American Family Association:

America’s most basic freedoms of speech, conscience and the free exercise of religion are under attack and the time to act is now. If President Obama succeeds with his priority of passing the Hate Crimes law, H.R. 1913 - the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, it could lead to the criminalization of the Biblical view of homosexuality in sermons and elsewhere. An offended homosexual could accuse a pastor, Sunday School teacher of broadcaster of causing emotional injury simply by expressing the Biblical view that homosexuality is sinful. [sic]

I honestly didn't think it was possible, but these fear-mongering, hateful Christian frauds have actually managed to make the argument all about them and their possible victimization should this law get passed. And Matthew Shepard? Ah well he's just an inconvenient little detail they long ago swept under the rug.

These people make me ill.

The sky didn't fall in Massachusetts, but that hasn't stopped the professional Christian crowd from telling everyone it will

I post this not for the James Dobsons, Tony Perkins, Maggie Gallaghers, and all of the other fear-mongering, bible-thumping homophobes, but for those who genuinely don't know what to expect should same-sex marriage become a reality someday. In other words, I post this for reasonable people who don't realize that just because a person proclaims to be a "good Christian" doesn't mean they cannot lie through their teeth when it comes to gays.

From Empire State Pride Agenda:



Via JMG

Oh My God, Hell froze over while I've been gone

Yes, I know, I've been awol again. There is so much going on in my life right now and so little time to deal with it all without something taking a direct hit. And I apologize that it has been this blog that has suffered the neglect, but right now, there are things that must take priority. But I can assure you that this is in no way an indication that my passion and seething anger has abated. It has not.

But something huge has happened that for me is even bigger than what has been happening recently in Vermont, Iowa, New York, Washington state, and elsewhere. And that is the queen of icy, hateful homophobia has had a change of heart (quite the anomaly when you consider this woman has a heart of stone):



My God! This is huge! This is the very same woman who has spent years arguing with an unmovable certainty that gays were nothing but biological errors and she just said committed same-sex relationships are “Beautiful” & “Healthy”. I am flabergasted.

The tides are turning. No wonder the homophobes are getting more desperate and shill.

Dear Religious Right, Catholic Church, and Mormon Church

With all your hard work spreading the "Christian" message of hatred for gays and lesbians, I thought you'd like to see some of the fruits of your labor. And make no mistake, this man pictured in this post is the product of all your hate-mongering in the name of God.

No wonder the number of Americans who have no religious affiliaton has doubled over the last decade. And count this seething mom as one of those who has walked away. My only regret? That I didn't do it sooner. Somehow pleading to God for my son's safety from the inside of one of your "Houses of God", ground zero for much of the hate and homophobia that endangers our gay and lesbian children, just doesn't make much sense anymore.

Is it any wonder gays think Christians hate them?:



Hat tip JMG

Making straights walk in the moccasins of the glbt community

Some excellent PSAs that give those people unable to put themselves in someone else's shoes an idea of what it would be like to be denied the many rights that straights have and take for granted. Via Queers United:



And in Spanish:



Time to take the megaphone away from those who twist the bible to hide their own bigotry and homophobia. Most Americans are fair minded. Frame it correctly and show the injustice from their perspective, and I think we can win this battle. And I think these PSAs are a good start.

Where have you been Frank Schaeffer?

This video clip from D.L. Hughley's show is just so good, that I have nothing to say. It speaks for itself. Please watch it:




UPDATE: If you loved what this man had to say as much as I did and you want more, then go here. Here's a taste of what you'll get if you do:

You Republicans are the arsonists who burned down our national home. You combined the failed ideologies of the Religious Right, so-called free market deregulation and the Neoconservative love of war to light a fire that has consumed America. Now you have the nerve to criticize the "architect" America just hired -- President Obama -- to rebuild from the ashes. You do nothing constructive, just try to hinder the one person willing and able to fix the mess you created.

A big fat thank you to Laffy for posting this

Could China beat the U.S. to marriage equality?

Note: this post is dedicated to my dear friend in china whose name shall remain anonymous

Wow:

There is still no legal protection against discrimination in China and few role models: no mainstream figures are openly gay. Yet now parts of China's gay
population are calling for the right to wed - and meeting with some sympathy.

I am probably a bit premature with my excitement here. But I am certainly struck by the irony when I think about the possibilities. I had to read the above snippet twice in order for it to sink in, we are talking about China and gay marriage in the same sentence. And I definitely think it begs the question Andrew asks, "Wouldn't it be amazing if China got there first?"

Here is a snippet from the article that got Andrew asking the question:

Li's research in cities suggests about 91% of people are happy to work with gay colleagues - a higher rate than in US surveys - and that 30% back gay marriage.

She argues that Chinese culture has historically been more tolerant than others: "We don't have religions which are absolutely against homosexuality, for example. But the pressure to marry is huge - far greater than in the west." Han, 27, thinks her parents know she is a lesbian. "But my mum told me I must have experience of marriage, no matter how long it lasts. I don't think she hopes to change my sexuality, she just thinks my life will be more stable," said the media professional.

Say what you will, but I believe organized religion of the right-wing whacko bent is going to continue to be this country's biggest road-block. And once again, I'll quote Andrew: "If you decouple the notion of "family" from fundamentalist religion, same-sex marriage is revealed as the socially conservative reform it actually is."

Damn! I get so depressed when I think about the number of people in this country who are perfectly content letting others define what is moral for them. And I get downright enraged when I think of the years that people like Ted Haggard had a U.S. President's ear when it came to legislating my morality. My God that just fries me.

I hope China does beat us to the finish line on this one, we'd deserve it for letting a bunch of odious, hypocritical, sanctimonious frauds with more sexual hang-ups than Carter has pills define what is and isn't a sin.

Good bye James Dobson, may you fade away into the sunset never to be heard from again

Ok, disclaimer first: I dislike James Dobson with the intensity of a thousand suns rolled into one. There. I said it. So it should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time that this Seething Mom will lose no sleep, cry no tears, or feel anything but sheer unbridled joy about James Dobson stepping down from his throne at Focus on the Family.

I am a wife - happily married for 27 years. I am a mother of 3 children whom I love very much. I am an ardent advocate of anything that is good for my marriage and my family. So you would think that James Dobson would be my hero, but you would be sadly mistaken. James Dobson is no advocate for my marriage or my family. James Dobson is poison. In fact, I would go so far as to say that James Dobson is one of my family's worst enemies. So I can only hope with all my heart that James Dobson quickly disappears into oblivion never to be heard from again (but I certainly won't hold my breath on that one).

James Dobson spent years setting himself up as an expert on everything even remotely related to parenting and family issues. And when he finally worked himself up to a position of great power, he chose to use it in ways that deeply hurt families that didn't meet his narrow standards for normal. And my family fell into his cross-hairs. Why? Because my husband and I have a gay son. And we not only love him unconditionally, but we accept him just as he is.

Apparently (according to Dobson) our son was just "fine" when God delivered him to us, but because of our terrible parenting, we made him gay. Never mind that our terrible parenting skills had no effect on our other 2 children. But in Dobson's eyes, having a gay child is a huge disgrace and a horrible tragedy, not to mention, one of the greatest threats this country faces. And as Dobson tells it, both my husband and I are to blame. My husband was not around enough, he was not man enough, he didn't knock our son around enough, he didn't wrestle with him enough or play manly-enough games with him, he didn't shower with him or wave his private parts in our son's face enough, etc. etc. And I was around our son too much, I was too overbearing, and I had too close a relationship with him. So for those fatal missteps, we got what we deserved, an abomination.

James Dobson has spent his career spouting lofty and quite noble goals, but his actions have been anything but. Not only is he an enormous fraud when it comes to family advocacy, but he used the power he spent years building to single out, hurt, and stigmatize people. And his victims are many.

James Dobson used his family advocacy organization, Focus on the Family, as a smokescreen to hide his hatred for gays and lesbians and his agenda to advance hateful legislation that would guarantee second-class status for millions of Americans. He spent years pouring his money, power, and precious resources into making life as miserable as he could for the glbt community. And he did it all under the guise of Family and Christian Values.

No, I'm not going to miss James Dobson. When he could have made a positive impact on the sorry state of marriage and family in this country, he chose instead to single out and hurt those for whom he held contempt and hatred. He made no positive impact whatsoever on marriage and family and his actions may have even had quite negative repercussions (Ted Haggard's family may have an opinion on this). The institution of marriage is still in dire condition and families are still falling apart, but at a faster pace. James Dobson squandered a precious opportunity to make a positive difference, but that was never his intent. His legacy will not be pretty. The only thing he championed was mean-spirited homophobia and exclusion. He leaves as a sorry old man completely bereft of the very values he claimed to be defending.

Good bye James Dobson. My family will breathe a little easier knowing you are gone.

The Traditional Values Coalition presents this year's Hate Menu

And as you can see, making sure my son is never allowed the same rights as everyone else is one of the main courses on the menu.

No question about it, this menu should satisfy the appetites of even the biggest Hate Mongers.

And as Joe points out:

The Southern Poverty Law Center rates the Tradition Values Coalition as a hate group.

Hat tip: Good As You

I never ever thought I'd say this

But I wish Michael Moore good luck and god-speed with this:

Friends,

I am in the middle of shooting my next movie and I am looking for a few brave people who work on Wall Street or in the financial industry to come forward and share with me what they know. Based on those who have already contacted me, I believe there are a number of you who know "the real deal" about the abuses that have been happening. You have information that the American people need to hear. I am humbly asking you for a moment of courage, to be a hero and help me expose the biggest swindle in American history.

If you can help him out with this project, please follow the link above for the email address and more information.

And yes, I know I am wandering way out of the scope of this blog's stated purpose, but I'd like a good look under the hood of an industry that has succeeded in crashing the economies of pretty much the whole world. And if Michael Moore can do that, then more power to him.

Lifting the burden of a secret, one person at a time

Last night we had dinner with a very dear friend who was actually a witness at my husband's and my ski trip turned elopement. Our friendship with this man dates back decades and is thankfully strong enough to weather the long periods of time that manage to slip in between visits as life intervenes with both the expected and unexpected. And as we would find out during the course of a shared evening meal, life did indeed present us all with many expected and unexpected events. There was cancer, a serious head injury, major moves, grandkids arriving, kids coming out, kids heading off to Ukraine, kids going off to college, kids graduating from college, kids working to save their marriages, parents moving back in, and parents passing away. And sadly, durable friendships like the one we have with this friend can end up being sidelined in the chaos of it all - as this one had been - we had not seen him for 2 1/2 years.

So as is always the case when so much time passes between visits, there was a lot of catching up to do. We spent the first hour and a half sharing beers and talking about the latest news pertaining to our respective families. And as we sat at the table enjoying each other's company, I couldn't help remembering the fear and dread I was feeling 2 1/2 years ago when we'd last gotten together. We had a secret I felt I had to protect at all costs and not even this good friend who had known our kids since they were born could be trusted with it.

Damn, secrets are awful. And keeping them from being discovered is exhausting. And the more desperately you want that secret to remain secret, the higher the stakes become and the more exhausting the task of protecting that secret gets. And let me tell you, backing yourself into that kind of corner can make an evening of casual conversation with a dear friend feel more like an eternity on the battlefield avoiding landmines. There are just so many subjects that can potentially lead to forbidden territory, which in turn leads to spending the entire evening completely on edge while trying to anticipate and steer clear of anything that could lead to questions we were not ready to answer truthfully. It was all about keeping the chatter in a safe zone without anyone noticing. And that's a lot of work. Needless to say, by the end of that evening 2 1/2 years ago, I was completely drained and relieved when we finally said good bye to our friend. I had kept our secret safe, but at too high a cost. I felt deceitful, ashamed, and completely unworthy to be my beautiful son's mother. I was so miserable.

Thinking back on it all now, I have to laugh at all the things I put myself through just to avoid telling people our son was gay. It really was crazy. But we simply were not ready to tell people about our son yet and to have done otherwise would have evoked a response (pity, sadness, embarassment) that would have made things worse. We had to be completely comfortable with it ourselves, and being comfortable with it for me meant it had to be a complete non-issue. And it just wasn't a non-issue with us at that point 2 1/2 years ago.

Well fast forward 2 1/2 years. And boy oh boy, what a difference a couple of years make. Gone are the heart palpitations, sweaty palms, and feelings of deceit and guilt after an evening out with friends. Gone is my crazy need to control the direction of even the most benign conversations. And best of all? Gone is the worry that people might accidentally learn our son is gay. It is simply not something we even think about anymore.

So last night when our friend started asking about each one of our kids, we welcomed the opportunity to talk proudly about each one of them and what they had accomplished in the time since we had last talked. And when the conversation started heading towards that used-to-be forbidden territory, I didn't give it a second thought. And when our friend finally asked if our middle son was still a ladies' man (really, I'm not joking), my husband and I very calmly and very matter-of-factly answered in unison: No, our son is gay. And my God! What a wonderfully freeing experience that was. We had lifted the burden of our secret with yet another person. And it felt so good.

Now I would be remiss if I stopped babbling right here. We had years to get comfortable with having a gay son. But we can never forget that when we tell someone about our son, especially someone who care about our kids, we will always need to be sensitive to the fact that the news will be new to them and could be shocking to them. And as I had expected might happen, our friend was quite shocked, in fact I'd have to say he was momentarily stunned into silence. But the beauty of it all was that my husband and I could not have been more at ease or casual about it and that made the whole situation so much easier for him. And best of all, there was no sadness, no pity, no embarrassment. We had simply stated a fact about our son.

So in the course of the evening last night our friend learned our son had graduated from college last June with honors, still has a zillion girls he calls friends, just not girlfriends, still isn't sure what he wants to do with his life, still has a desire to travel the world, still has blond hair and green eyes, and is still the great kid he was 2 1/2 years ago, except now we know he is gay.

And it was at that point we all decided we were ready for another round of beers, some dinner, and a whole lot more catching up. It was truly a relaxing and wonderful evening.

Please don't divorce us

Well Ken Starr is at it again -- man that guy needs some kind of serious counseling. He really has some serious hang-ups.

But I digress.

Here is the latest news about Mr. Ken Starr (of Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinski fame): Ken Starr and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund -- filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and is now attempting to forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year. The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in this case on March 5, 2009, with a decision expected within the next 90 days.

The Courage Campaign has created a video called "Fidelity," with the permission of musician Regina Spektor, that puts a face to those 18,000 couples and all loving, committed couples seeking full equality under the law.

Watch and weep:


"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Here is Andrew's thoughts on this:

In the end, the marriage debate is about whether it is in the interest of society as a whole to attack and demean couples who are constructing loving, committed strong relationships, with the help of their friends, families and government. Whatever else it is, the attempt to break up these relationships, to deny and invalidate the hopes and dreams they aspire to, is both cruel and deeply hostile to any conservatism that seeks to bring people together around the shared values of family, fidelity and responsibility. Maybe this video will help bring that home. I'm lucky to be married in Massachusetts, but Aaron and I feel a part of this too. Marriage is a wonderful, surprising, humanizing, maturing thing. Don't take it away from us.

Phelps Clan: Yes, we are spreading a message of hate

I wanted to post another video news clip from a later broadcast of the Phelps clan's visit to my neighborhood. Apparently the opposition was organized and ready for this face off with these hate-mongers and they used Facebook to get the word out. Ahhhh the beauty of technology.

I hate to say this, but we've had block parties with much less turn out. Forget the beer and brats, just start a Gay-Straight Alliance at your neighborhood high school and wait for the hate-filled Phelps clan to show up. Nothing brings a community together better than having this group of Neanderthals show up on your doorstep to tell you how evil your children are.

Westboro Baptist Church: the gift that keeps on giving: Link to clip is here. (Note: not sure why this video clip when embedded autoplays, but I am blurry-eyed from trying to find the problem in the code, so you will just have to link to the video, which imho is worth seeing. Sorry about the inconvenience.)

Westboro Baptist Church members pay a visit to the high school in my hood

Wow, Fred Phelps and his Religious whacko parishioners (aka his family) from the Westboro Baptist Church paid a visit to our neighborhood's local high school, Desert Mountain, today. The high school's big sin? Apparently they have a large Gay-Straight Alliance club at the school and plenty of students willing to give up an afternoon to show support for their gay and lesbian fellow students, which is a big enough offense to draw these horrible homophobic hate-mongers to our sleepy little community.

Hmmm, could it be that even full-time homophobes like Fred Phelps enjoy a sunny working vacation once in a while too? After all, it's got to be more pleasant to hate monger in balmy 75 degree weather than in 10 degree weather with snow and sleet. A little sunshine, a few margaritas, and some spicy mexican food - I'd say that's the perfect prescription for re-energizing a family who has dedicated their lives to spreading hatred and vitriol anywhere and everywhere that doesn't meet their holiness standards.

This has made my day. It was very gratifying to see so many kids and adults from my neighborhood and also from the neighboring high school (the one I graduated from) take time off from their busy schedules to be there, with signs in hand, to let these people know that their homophobia and hatred will not be tolerated in our community. And it didn't take the Phelps clan long to get the message either, they sure didn't hang around very long.

It was a lovely sight to behold:

The Religious Right is gearing up to keep DOMA from being repealed

I just read over at AMERICAblog that the Religious Right has already begun fund raising to keep DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act, from being repealed. It just never ceases to amaze me how ignorant, wrong, and cruel these so-called Christians can be.

How many families have to tragically implode like Ted Haggard's family before we realize how horribly wrong the Religious Right is on this issue? How many more innocent victims must there be before we say enough to those who want to legislate into law their rigid, narrow, and unbending vision of what they think a family should look like?

We cannot continue to force gays and lesbians to be something they are not simply to keep people like James Dobson and Tony Perkins in their comfort zone. Sham marriages have consequences, and lots of innocent victims, just ask Ted Haggard's wife or children.

It speaks volumes about the motives of this Sanctity of Marriage crowd that they could watch what happened to Ted Haggard and his family and be more energized than ever to make sure DOMA is never repealed. This isn't about protecting marriage, this isn't about the sanctity of marriage, this isn't about protecting the family, and it certainly isn't about Christian Values. This is about homophobia. And it has had tragic consequences on the very institution they pretend to want to protect.

How long are we going to let the Religious Right push their toxic, destructive definition of marriage and family on the rest of us?

Andrew Sullivan:

Forcing gay people into molds they do not fit helps no one. It robs them of dignity and self-worth and the capacity for healthy relationships. It wrecks family, twists Christianity, violates humanity. It must end.

Watch this video and tell me how Ted Haggard wasn't destined to fail from the moment he uttered the words, I Do. As angry as I want to be with this man, I simply cannot help but feel deep sorrow for him. And this is why I shall never, ever force my son to be something he cannot be:

The more things change the more they stay the same

I am sure many of you have probably at some point read this letter written by Sharon Underwood to the editor of her local paper, the Valley News, in White River Junction, Vt. back in April of 2000. Sharon is the mother of a gay son and she wrote the letter below in response to the many anti-gay letters that preceded the Vermont domestic partnership legislation.

I am struck by how little things have changed in the nine years since Sharon wrote the letter. It is as pertinent today as it was when she wrote it back in 2000 -- and as eloquent and from-the-gut as any letter I have ever read. So I am posting it in its entirety here on this blog.

And from one Seething Mom to another, I say thank you:

Vermont debate brings out the haters

Sunday, April 30, 2000

By SHARON UNDERWOOD
For the Valley News

As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life with no dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

No choice

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it.

For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will?

If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

Principles?

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending.

My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart. He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

They are shocked, just shocked I tell you

These Religious Righties just cannot wrap their minds around the fact that Obama will not be using the glbt community as political and fund raising tools like they and the previous Administration did.

They are just shocked that:

"within 5 minutes from Obama's swearing in, the White House website posted the President's goals for the country and some of them tell a very different story than unity, and certainly change. Despite calls for unity, the submissions seem to be about repealing controversial legislation, including things like the Defense of Marriage Act, which was signed signed by Bill Clinton":

This has got these boobs very worried. How on earth will they fund-raise and fear monger if Obama follows through with his promises to the glbt community? Promises of change and unity are just fine with these sanctimonious frauds just as long as Obama doesn't mess with their always reliable cash cow, the gays and lesbians, one of the last politically and religiously acceptable groups to hate.

And we keep coming out - Part 2

I've added a picture to my profile. And the larger version of that picture is on this post. This is a big move for me (and my husband). And it is one more step at fully removing ourselves from the closet we stuffed ourselves into when our son had vacated it. Coming out is a lifelong process, something I didn't realize. And I didn't realize how much work it is either. But oooh boy, it feels so good.

When I first started this blog, I was skittish about giving out too much information about myself or my family. After all, we still had not told many people about our son. And sadly, there are still family members who to this day do not know. So my husband wasn't even sure I should be blogging about something so deeply personal and (at the time) painful on a medium that was so public and accessable. But in the end, he realized that we each come to terms with life-changing events in different ways. His was to quietly deal with his new reality and quietly get comfortable with it. And mine was anything but quiet, or comfortable, or even dignified. I needed to talk, and cry, and scream, and vent, and research, and then talk some more. And quite frankly, I think at the point in which I decided to start this blog, my poor husband was so damned relieved to give up his spot as sounding board that he welcomed my new outlet.

I didn't realize how awful the closet was until I stepped into it the day my son stepped out. And yes, many parents do indeed closet themselves shortly after learning they have a gay child. I wish with all my heart that I could say my husband and I were way more amazing about it than we were, but the fact is we weren't. We needed time and space and privacy to get to a point of peace. And I might just add here that it wasn't that we were devastated with the fact that our son was gay, it was that we were devastated with the fact that our son would face so many more obstacles and haters and challenges because he was gay. So for us it was more that we had to come to terms with a much uglier and hateful world than the one we knew before we learned our son was gay. But we were in this together and that meant we were facing this much scarier world together.

So it is with big fanfare that I post this picture. And yes, it is a big deal. Three years ago when I discussed posting a picture of my family, my husband and I debated it ad nauseam and decided against it. Today, I called him over to my computer and said, I am going to post this picture in my profile, what do you think? And you know what he said? "Don't you have something a little bigger and clearer? You can hardly see the faces of our children in that picture and I want the world to see what a beautiful family we have."

Yes indeed, this is a big deal.

Pope Benedict welcomes back with open arms anti-Semite and Holocaust-denier

So the Pope lifted the excommunication of British Holocaust-denier Richard Williamson, an action he feels will heal a wound that has festered for 20 years.

Funny that. In this Pope's eyes gays are "objectively disordered" and "intrinsically evil", but this man who in a recent interview confirmed that he still holds the same views that got him excommunicated in the first place is not a problem for this Pope. Breathtaking:

"I believe there were no gas chambers... I think that 200,000 to 300,000 Jews perished in Nazi concentration camps but none of them by gas chambers," [Richard Williamson] told SVT television in an interview that was recorded in Germany last November. "There was not one Jew killed by the gas chambers. It was all lies, lies, lies!"

Mr Williamson, 68, who is the rector of the Seminary of Our Lady Co-Redemptrix in La Reja, Argentina, is no stranger to controversy. He has endorsed "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion", a notorious anti-Semitic forgery, and claimed that Jews are bent on world domination. He supports conspiracy theories on the assassination of President Kennedy and the attacks on the Twin Towers in New York, and has accused the Vatican of being under the power of Satan.

So once again this Pope has reaffirmed my decision to walk away from the Catholic Church and never look back. I've been deeply ashamed of the Catholic Church for quite some time now. And this hideous decision to lift the excommunication of this Holocaust-denier only confirms for me how deeply misguided and wrong this Pope is on so many issues. Somehow, the sting of this Pope's homophobia and hate for my son doesn't hurt as much anymore. Why should it? This Pope wouldn't know evil if it looked him straight in the eye, and he proved it with this latest hideous decision.

Focus on the Family doesn't think President Obama is a friend of family values

I have stayed rather low key since the inauguration. I cannot put my finger on exactly what my emotions are, except to say I am overwhelmed with a sense of relief that George W. Bush (a man I voted for, not once but twice -- God forgive me) is gone, and our House and Senate are now controlled by enough Democrats to get things done.

The passages of anti-marriage amendments in both California and my home state of Arizona completely robbed me of the euphoria I had so looked forward to enjoying when Barack Obama claimed victory. And then to top my funk off, Obama went and did exactly what he said he was going to do and reached across the aisle and chose Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his inauguration (which to my relief actually turned out to be rather anti-climatic).

It didn't take me long to realize that I had to tone down my expectations, admit what a truly horrible mess this country is in, and come to terms with the fact that there are much, much bigger problems that Obama has to deal with than smacking down the James Dobson/Rick Warren/Tony Perkins crowd. And maybe even, horror of all horrors, I needed to get used to the idea that Obama was going to actually give these Religious Right-Family Advocate frauds a seat at the table.

Well... it looks like maybe I was being a tad overly pessimistic and morose. Imagine my surprise (and relief) when I clicked on the new White House website, which went live minutes after our new President was sworn in, and saw that President Obama's civil rights agenda included a whole section titled "Support for the LGBT Community". And when I saw that this section included things like Supporting Full Civil Unions and Federal Rights for LGBT Couples, Fighting Workplace Discrimination, Repealing Don't Ask-Don't Tell, Expanding Adoption Rights, and Promoting AIDS Prevention, I knew I could finally let myself feel a little bit of that euphoria that had so eluded me right after the election. Seeing these goals, in black in white, on the White House website was truly salve to this seething momma's wounds.

But wait! It gets better. Not content with simply reveling in the fact that we now have a president who is going to work to make my beloved son an equal among his straight peers, I decided to see how organizations like Focus on the Family were reacting to Obama's new Civil Rights agenda. And it didn't take me long to find out. The Christian Institute didn't waste any time laying it all out:

Focus on the Family:

Focus on the Family, founded by Dr James Dobson, has reacted with great concern to the new White House agenda.

“President Obama is no friend of family values, and that is made perfectly clear on the White House Web site,” said Ashley Horne, federal policy analyst at Focus on the Family Action.

“This is the most bold and comprehensive pro-homosexual, abortion-friendly administration agenda we’ve ever seen. And this is no time for Christians to remain silent.”

Family Research Council:

Tony Perkins, of the American policy group Family Research Council, said: “Minutes after Obama took the oath of office, the transfer of power was made complete on the White House website.”

He added that the White House: “now welcomes an extreme collection of anti-life, anti-woman, and anti-family agendas.”

He said: “Under the caption ‘civil rights,’ Obama pledges to fight for nationwide civil unions, repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, homosexual adoption, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, expanded ‘hate crimes’, and over 1,100 costly same-sex benefits.

“He promises to repeal ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ as well as block a federal amendment to preserve marriage.

“In exchange for the support of groups like Planned Parenthood, the abortion business is also due for a rich payoff from the 44th President, including his support of abortion-on-demand, more funding for ‘family planning’ programs, embryonic stem cell experiments, and tax-funded abortion.”

Alliance Defense Fund:

Alan Sears, President of American legal group the Alliance Defense Fund, is surprised at the swiftness of the radical agenda. He said: “Well, that didn’t take long.

“To many, it may seem premature to confront head-on the agenda of the new president, in a week dedicated to celebrating his political success and the peaceful transition of power in our republic. But, sad to say, in the marriage of President Obama’s political destiny to that of these United States, it’s Mr. Obama who chose to cut short the honeymoon.

“No sooner had he finished speaking of his fellow Americans in his inaugural address as a people who ‘have chosen hope over fear [and] unity of purpose over conflict and discord’ than his staff posted, on the White House Web site, a virtual declaration of war against those who oppose the demands for special rights and privileges by those who engage in homosexual behavior.”

God forgive me, but damn this is fun. It almost makes up for the past 8 years of misery under George W. Bush. These sanctimonious family-values frauds are just going to have to get used to the fact that this President values all families, not just the ones that meet their seal of approval.

I think I'm feeling euphoric now.